Journey to the centre of the Earth!!

I'm thinking of going on this trip. What do you reckon?
I bet there are dinosaurs and everything down there! Imagine seeing dinosaurs with your own eyeballs! It would be brilliant. I also bet there are civilisations there which haven't changed since the dawn of time, like real cave-men, except they live in trees or something. I bet also they have amazing technology that helps you transport yourself to other planets in the blink of an eye!!! Even though they are cavemen!

In fact I bet that's what every one of the fools heading off on this trip is expecting to find! The loonybins!

EDIT: Hahahaha!! I was right! I just read this bit about a previous trip,

"Moreover, a brief newspaper account of the flight held that a member of the admiral's crew had observed a monstrous greenish-hued animal moving through the underbrush of that land beyond the Pole."

Cor! I'm definitely going!!!!

Duck a'la blacmange

Cor, what a brilliant laugh we had feeding the ducks!!!

Ducks are well stupid and I could spend all day watching them quack to each other. Although Eddie duck didn't appreciate me staring at him and pointing and laughing at his mates. But whatever. He's a duck; what's he going to do? Bite my kneecaps?
Actually that would probably hurt.

We soon discovered the joys of throwing bread at them and seeing how many we could bonk on the head. I was beating Lenny by a mile, seeing as he threw like a girl and everything. I hit 14 and he only got 4. What a loser! I did take the mick a bit too much though, cos then he got so mad he tipped the rest of the bread from his packet on my head. I was well crumbed (today's new word!). So obviously I got him back by pushing him over and rubbing all my bread in his face.
A big Canadian goose saw all this bread on Lenny and immediately sat on his head and started eating it! And when all the other ducks and geese saw this they too quickly pounced on Lenny (who was lying there in shock, the weirdo) and they all pecked away!! He had about 20 birds stood on him at one point eating bread and quacking away as if it was the first bread they'd ever seen. Very excitable are ducks and geese.
And boy were they pooing on him too! Hahaha! Ducks are always pooing and the last thing you want is a whole bunch of 'em sitting on your head, cos they're just going to poo on it. Which they did.

Poor old Lenny, he was in a right mess. He weren't particularly happy neither. But I had a brilliant laugh and my ribs were well aching! So I didn't really care, I was alright.

We didn't go to the cemetary seeing as he was in such a bad mood (and it's been raining). Hopefully we'll go tomorrow, cos there's definitely meant to be ghosts there! I don't believe in ghosts, so it shouldn't be that scary really. Might be quite a nice trip out I reckon!

Ain't summer holidays boring??

I don't know about you, but summer holidays are BOOOORRIING!!!
Everyone is just aimlessly wandering around wondering what to do with themselves.

Cecil has gone on a "White Water Rafting" trip to Romford, so hopefully he's having a better time than the rest of us.
Me and Lenny did consider camping for the weekend, maybe sit in a field somewhere and look at the trees drinking cups of tea, but then we realised that's what we do every day anyway!

We didn't enjoy the heatwave either. Apparently it was the hottest July since dinosaurs ruled the Earth or something. How they know about things like that I never know.

Well the plan is for me and Lenny to go and feed the ducks tomorrow, so that should be a laugh. The ducks are a bit fussy round 'ere, so only posh bread from Marks And Spencers will do.
Then at the weekend we're going to stay up all night in a graveyard. Should be fun.
I'll keep you posted....

Apparently I smell.

Lenny told me today that I have B.O.. I had no idea what he meant. Did he mean Bionic Oatflakes? Brilliant Opal (eyes)? Brown Oranges? (That last one doesn't even make sense).
NO!!! He meant I smelt BAD!

What an absolute cheek. I smell lovely. Even Cecil remarked on how keenly I smelt the other day. I'm sure it was meant as a compliment. So the whole farm clubbed together and bought me a can of deoderant; "Eu de Barn Door" it was called. Lenny says that not only will I smell great, I'll also get myself a girlfriend. Like as if that's a good thing. Girlfriends are for idiots; it's a scientific fact - I saw it on Channel Four News.
Anyway, to keep everyone happy, I sprayed some (well all) the stuff under me armpits and behind my ears and now I smell like a rosy barn door! I've not had any women throwing themselves at me though, unless you count wasps and blue-bottles (you'd think I was a big bottle of jam or something the way they're all carrying on).

Now I can't sleep as I stink of perfume and whenever I do dose off all I dream about is Lenny dressed as Charlotte Church chasing me down the street. And that ain't a good thing.

What an epic adventure!

I hope you've all been enjoying my great weekly adventure! I have to say it feels rather special being in the Beano every week as opposed to every now and then. Next week is the last episode, so be sure to email the Beano ed and tell him how much you love me, or vote for me on their online poll. Or both!

Lenny kicked me up the bum the other day and said I've been an idiot and neglected this lovely blog. I can't help it if I've been jet-setting around the world! Opening sweetshops! It's a tough life. Bert worm says he'd be more than happy to write instead of me when I'm away, so I'm thinking about it...

Can worm's type??

In other news:
Fans of all things Derek the Sheep can read a great interview with Gary Northfield in this month's brilliant children's magazine Aquila! Aquila is a subscription only magazine for children, but this month's issue is available to download if you send in your email. Many thanks to Sue Wilkes (AKA Fat Tony) for conducting an amazingly groovy interview and to the Aquila team for allowing such an ugly mug to grace their pages!

A Lovely Poem

Well I hope you're all enjoying my brilliant weekly adventure! Episode 3 is a real cliffhanger ain't it? Sorry I've been away from my site, but blogging ain't so easy to keep up when you start getting as world famous as me!!

I had this brilliant poem from Fat Tony after episode one, who is finding it all terribly exciting -

Poor Derek Sheep fell in the loo
Now he's going to the zoo!
Will he end up in a cage
With a tiger in a rage?
Or will he be
A hippo's pet?
This tale could be
The best one yet!

Cheers FT. Last time I looked FT had turned into a budgie which is quite a laugh! So keep checking out his mad blog.
I've been getting a fair bit of fan art on my messageboard recently, so I'll be posting them all this week (along with another piece).

And thanks to all you loyal Derek fans who have been voting for me on the Official Beanotown readers poll - I'm second only to Dennis himself!!

Rocking!!!

I'M BACK!!!!

Well, did you miss me??
We all had a bit of a rest after two long years of continuous Beano stories and now I'm back with a BANG!



Not only am I back with an amazing hilarious two page story, but it's the first part of a Six Part Weekly Extravaganza!!!!

You lucky people! So get out there and buy it and if you love it, then don't forget to vote on the online Beano poll!

Adios!!

Stinky pile of mess.....

Well, Lenny left the turnip out in the sun too long showing it off to his mates and now it's gone all mouldy and smelly, not unlike Lenny!!!
So much for making any money out of it, I reckon we'll have to pay someone to take it away, so really we've lost a lot of cash if that happens.

Did I mention Bert Worm won Worm Idol? He's released his new record "I'm a Worm and You'd Better Get Used To It" and it went straight to the top of the worm Hit Parade, knocking off Wendy Worm and Her Orchestra with "Who Let The Worms Out?". That's a terrible song by the way. All of Wendy Worm's songs are rubbish if you ask me, but Bert has a lot of respect for her he reckons. A match made in Heaven there if you ask me.

Big Turnips 'R' Us!

Me and the gang have been very busy growing turnips. Check out this beauty!

most of 'em only grew to the size of eggs or small eyeballs, but this one is the size of a HOUSE!!!
don't ask me how though. Lenny said we used very special manure, something about bee poo. Do bees poo? I've never seen one I must say. I'll ask Cecil when I see him, I'm sure he'll be pleased to pass on his knowledge.

That's got to take alot of bee poo though if you ask me. Must be eating a lot of roughage them bees. How do you spell "roughage"??? That don't look right at all.

Anyway, I reckon we'll be millionaires if they all grow to that size! We would dominate the world market in turnips. We'd have turnip soup, turnip sauce, turnip pudding, turnip pie, turnip sandwiches, er... turnip soup. The possibilities are endless!
No one could ever grow turnips like us!! No one!!

Unless they have bee poo too I guess.

Bernard gets the boot

Well, we all said it wouldn't last. No one likes smelly goats and the last thing you want is one serving you chips in a chip shop. Goats eat old underpants and that's all they're good for.
He finally got the boot from his chip shop job: his beard got caught in the till apparently. He was stuck there for two hours, Dave goose says, and they had to shave it off too! Bernard's gone into hiding and says he won't come out until his beard's grown back.
Let's hope it takes forever! Or it grows upside down or something.

You know, that Dave goose seems to knows everything. It was Dave who knew about Dennis the cow getting in trouble for watching Farmer Jack's TV while he was out. Watching Crufts apparently. Dennis was always a bit soft.

For some reason though, Dave don't like me. I don't know why, I always say hello; "Morning Dave!" I say politely; then he always kicks me up the bum.
Lenny reckons it's because his name's not Dave and that his name is really Ernie.
I'm sure it was Lenny who told me his name was Dave, but he denies all knowledge.

Well, to me he's Dave Goose and I ain't changing it for no one!

Ya hear me? No one!!



Hello?

Aren't chips brilliant?

Gosh I love chips. Ever since that chip shop opened next door it's all I've eaten really. Me and everyone else. I always get a bread roll too, 'cos you can't beat a good chip butty. Mmmmm..
The big minus is that you've got to look at that hairy lump Bernard the goat, who's been promoted from "peeling chips" to "shaking chips in fat fryer".

He also greets you with, "Good morning sir, how may I help you this wonderful morning?".
Get yer great ugly mug out of my eyes would be a starter!!!

He even wears one of them MacDonald hats that look like a paper boat and he looks like a right berk in it I can tell you. He's loaded with money too. He's been buying all the latest DVD's including "Wallace and Gromit" and "When Good Goats Go Bad".
He's really been flashing the cash and all the ladies seem to be really impressed. Delia duck's even been seen wearing a very posh roller neck jumper and we all know who paid for THAT! Them two are made for each other anyway; not only is she really boring and eats underpants, but she's also got a flippin' beard!!!
And that ain't right on a duck.

Zit!!!!!

Cor I've got myself a right big zit on the end of my nose! Lenny reckons I look like Rudolph the red nose reindeer all over again.
It must be all those chips I've been eating recently. A great new chip shop opened up next door to the farm and we've all been tucking in at lunchtime.
The bloke who runs it is Greek and his name is Alfred. Is Alfred a Greek name? Don't sound like it to me. Although, there was an Alfred the Great once, and an Alexander the Great, and he was Greek, so maybe they were related or something. Maybe they lived in Great Yarmouth too, that would make sense.
Bernard the goat has got himself a part time job in the chip shop "peeling chips" he says. That must be a bit fiddly, even for a goat. Next week Alfred's going to let him fry the chips, so that should be a thrill.

In other news, Bert Worm is through to the finals of "Worm Idol"! We're all very pleased for him and will be watching him sing next Saturday on ITV Worm (cable T.V. only). He's singing "I'm going Underground" by the Jam.
Never heard of 'em. Give me the Hectic Monkies anytime.

New message board!

As a bit of a laugh, I've set up a message board, just so you can discuss me, the Beano, sausages, how stupid goats are..anything!
Here it is... http://derekthesheep.proboards51.com/

As always these things are a bit experimental with me, but the shoutbox/saybox malarky seems to be very popular, so let's hope this is too! I've never run a messageboard before, so it should be a bit weird to start off.

So drop in, join up and enjoy a good chat with me and my friends!

Strangest story yet hits newsstands!!

My great new story in this week's Beano is particularly strange. Lenny and Nobby find a pixie in a bottle and it ain't everyday that sort of thing happens (well not round 'ere anyway). Anyhows, the pixie promises us a free bottle of everlasting cola if we get him out, which is the most brilliant thing I've heard of.

It's a bit nuts, but don't worry, things get back to normal with my next story.

Sort of....

Enjoy!!

Nobby in "Not Hibernating" shock!

Hello!
Lenny was reading his Sunday newspaper this morning, what with all it's different sections; news, TV guide, sport, posh glossy magazine, DVD of a really old film no-one's heard of, er.. media, whatever that is, more sport, fashion, last week's news in case you missed it, sudoku special, free "celebrity knees" photo special, etc etc (that was only half of it! Nearly a tree's worth of paper in there I reckon). ANYWAY, in the Holiday section, he was reading about how people with lots of money go away to hot countries over Christmas, which is very sensible I'd say, and he was looking at the lovely photo of people bathing on the beach, when suddenly he realised he recognised one of the faces lapping up all the sunshine!!
Take a look yourself...towards the bottom left on the green and yellow stripey towel, the little hedgehog, who looked suspiciously like NOBBY!

So, being the curious types we had a sneaky look under the hedge where we left him a couple of months ago to see if he was still tucked away in his little bed...

Well, what a flippin' surprise! Under the the little duvet wasn't Nobby snoring away, but his pillow which he'd covered up to make it look like it was him under there.
Unbelievable! There's us all thinking he's snuggled up all cosy escaping the chilly winter, when in fact he's sneaked off to Tenerife for a couple of months without telling us! We're all freezing our ears off and he's drinking cocktails in the boiling sunshine. Cor, just you wait till I see him, the cheeky beggar.

What I want to know is, how can he afford such an expensive trip? He's only a little hedgehog, and he's always borrowing 50p off me!

Flippin' eck it's a rotten January...

Well, I don't know about you lot, but we've all felt so dreary and depressed after Christmas. I've had some lovely Christmas presents though, so that sort of helped. Lenny bought me a poster of my favourite sugababe Mutya, but then she went and left, which sort of ruined it all really. He also bought me their latest single "Ugly", and he said it was a very appropriate present, whatever that means.

Cecil got me a King Kong jumper which his mum knitted for me, it has the words "I love King Kong, he's brilliant!" written under a strange knitted depiction of Kong thumping a T-Rex. King Kong rocked didn't it?! wow what a film. I felt really dizzy though coming out of the cinema after all that flying about around the Empire State Building. Lenny was crying seeing as he's a big girly turnip. He says he wasn't, but he definitely was. He even cried out "Noooo!" when Kong fell off and died. We all had a great laugh at that! Not kong dying, Lenny blubbering.

I bought everyone signed Beano Annuals and they were really pleased and I don't think anyone has relented and sold their copy on Ebay yet!

So the sky is grey, the grass is a bit damp, it's flippin' cold and we're depressed...
Bert worm is entering this year's "Worm Factor" as he has a great singing voice, so that should be a laugh. His audition song is, "What's a worm got to do with it?".
No, I've never heard of it neither. We're all going along to give him support. I'm hoping to meet Kate Wormton, she's lovely and lights up the telly whenever she's on it....

Merry Christmas readers!

Have a great Christmas readers and don't forget to pick up this week's Christmas edition of the Beano with my jolly little two-pager!
See you in the New Year!!!

Blimey eck.

Did you see this week's Derek's Corner in the Beano? I've pretty much taken over the letters page with lovely drawings of me. Didn't that cake look brilliant too?
The Beano ed has been telling me for a few weeks now how brilliant I am and how popular I'm getting with the readers. He's also been nagging me to go on more crazy adventures more frequently to quell the demand, as once a month just ain't enough for my loyal fans! In fact, if I don't pull my finger out, he's likely to come round and zap me with a cattle-prod to spur me into action.
So keep an eye out in the New Year sometime for a big mad serialised adventure which will blow the rest of the comic away!!
Trust me; it'll be nuttier than a bag full of nut flavoured monkeys, eating er.. nuts. Which in itself is a bit nuts.

Ta-ra Nobby.

Well Nobby finally said his goodbyes and toddled off to hibernate. It's all a bit sad really as he's a great laugh to have around and we're all going to miss him. He's got his playstation, complete works of Hellboy and a flask of hot cocoa, so I think he'll be happy. He's kipping under one of our hedges until about February then he'll be all wide awake and demanding ice-cream and ignoring Bert the Worm as per usual.

I'm glad Nobby don't eat worms as Bert is a good laugh too. Bert's impression of Harry Hill is a joy to behold. Bert's staying with us for Christmas as his mum has gone on holiday to Tenerife with her pals and Bert don't like flying. He was snapped up by a blackbird once, but fortunately he got dropped (I think the blackbird saw a fatter worm, either that or Bert tasted funny), but I think it's left Bert mentally scarred.

By the way, did you notice this blog is one year old round about now?! Cor, don't alot happen in one year? It seemed like only yesterday it was only two weeks till Christmas.

Christmas 2004 that is.

Say Box!!!

Panic over! I've found a new one called Say Box which lets me ban all nasties that come my way. Hooray! Now if only blogger was working properly, I could see if it's working or not...