Thursday, March 16, 2006

Bernard gets the boot

Well, we all said it wouldn't last. No one likes smelly goats and the last thing you want is one serving you chips in a chip shop. Goats eat old underpants and that's all they're good for.
He finally got the boot from his chip shop job: his beard got caught in the till apparently. He was stuck there for two hours, Dave goose says, and they had to shave it off too! Bernard's gone into hiding and says he won't come out until his beard's grown back.
Let's hope it takes forever! Or it grows upside down or something.

You know, that Dave goose seems to knows everything. It was Dave who knew about Dennis the cow getting in trouble for watching Farmer Jack's TV while he was out. Watching Crufts apparently. Dennis was always a bit soft.

For some reason though, Dave don't like me. I don't know why, I always say hello; "Morning Dave!" I say politely; then he always kicks me up the bum.
Lenny reckons it's because his name's not Dave and that his name is really Ernie.
I'm sure it was Lenny who told me his name was Dave, but he denies all knowledge.

Well, to me he's Dave Goose and I ain't changing it for no one!

Ya hear me? No one!!


Thursday, March 02, 2006

Aren't chips brilliant?

Gosh I love chips. Ever since that chip shop opened next door it's all I've eaten really. Me and everyone else. I always get a bread roll too, 'cos you can't beat a good chip butty. Mmmmm..
The big minus is that you've got to look at that hairy lump Bernard the goat, who's been promoted from "peeling chips" to "shaking chips in fat fryer".

He also greets you with, "Good morning sir, how may I help you this wonderful morning?".
Get yer great ugly mug out of my eyes would be a starter!!!

He even wears one of them MacDonald hats that look like a paper boat and he looks like a right berk in it I can tell you. He's loaded with money too. He's been buying all the latest DVD's including "Wallace and Gromit" and "When Good Goats Go Bad".
He's really been flashing the cash and all the ladies seem to be really impressed. Delia duck's even been seen wearing a very posh roller neck jumper and we all know who paid for THAT! Them two are made for each other anyway; not only is she really boring and eats underpants, but she's also got a flippin' beard!!!
And that ain't right on a duck.