Well I don't know about you lot, but yesterday I got a valentines card!!
Hooray! I always knew I was lovely and brilliant and now it's true. It's my first ever and I shall treasure it always. At last someone recognises how handsome and witty I am, but it wasn't always this way, my mum often used to say to me, "You are no Brad Pitt, Derek", but now I am. And I bet Brad Pitt doesn't have any valentines cards this year seeing as he's single, unlike me.
What he would give to have a face like mine, eh?
Now all we have to do is find out who sent it! Lenny reckons it's that weird cow who was staring at me last week, apparently her name's Alice. She was staring at me because she thought I was a zombie!! I'm not going out with anyone who fancies zombies.
Cecil thinks it might be his short-sighted sister Emily who sort of likes me from a distance; but I don't even like bees, so that's a no-brainer already.
Oh the giddy excitement! I've never been in love before!
The evidence - but whose handwriting???