Well that rascal Lenny has finally confessed; he sent the card.
Oh yes, my best mate thought it would be brilliant fun to have me think that someone would actually bother to send me a valentines card. Ho ho! What a laugh! I guess I was a fool to think it might actually be true, not that the list of potentials was particularly inspiring: a weird cow from the next field; a blind bee; some stupid goose and a couple of mad chickens.
Hardly the material to sweep you off your feet.
I'm much happier being single I've decided anyway. At least I can go home when I want, watch "Match of the Day" whenever I fancy and read my collection of Spider-man comics without feeling guilty. 'Cos when you've got a girlfriend you can't do none of that and you have to do all the ironing and washing up and mow the lawn. Well that's what Lenny says, although I don't know how he knows so much, no one would go near him and his bogey-face.