Can you believe it? Even Bernard the goat called me "chubby chops" today and Bernard never says ANYTHING! I'm not fat, I'm very woolly.
Cecil the bee reckons I should go on "Celebrity Fat Club" seeing as hits to my new website regularly reach double figures on a daily basis. He has a point, so I'm writing to Dale Winton first thing in the morning. It would be about time they had some real talent on there and not some mad old soap stars or deranged "reality" stars. I'd be great.
Except I'm not actually fat.