...And it's about time you all started thinking about buying Christmas cards for all your chums!
Well check out this beauty....
It's about 14cm wide and 10cm tall, and it's a particularly unflattering picture Bernard took of me last year and reckoned it would make a brilliant Christmas card. And seeing as everyone round 'ere seems to agree, we've decided to set up business with that bloke who sells them lovely T-shirts of me, and flog 'em for 80p each or 5 for £3.20 (postage free! We're so generous). I think that works out a bit cheaper, but I'm not sure.
Here it is in close up!
If you want any, then just write out a cheque or postal order to Gary Northfield and send to the usual address of:
Agent to Derek the Sheep Esq.
5 Cromwell Road
And we'll post 'em to you as quick as a flash!
And what about the conkers you ask? Well, it all ended rather horribly I have to say. It was me and Baz in the final (why always him?) and there he was telling me how he was going to smash my conker to a pulp and he gave his great monster a big swing... I was too frightened to look and hid me face. There was an almight SQUISH as his conker exploded into a big yellow splat!! We were all covered in egg, although Baz copped most of it, as he'd missed my conker and smacked himself in the chops.
Turns out Cecil's cousin George has suspected Baz was upto no good and had gotten Mad Nigel to confess all by giving him one of them new Cadbury Turkish Delights (they are lovely, but if I eat more than three in one go, I tend to go a bit loopy and run around the field frothing at the mouth. Where's the "delight" in that?)
Anyway, it seems Baz had been using a painted hard boiled egg for a conker, like a really old one that had been in the oven for twenty years or something. So George just swapped it for fresh one, painted up exactly like the real thing. It was too simple really, a bit like Baz! Hahahaha.
So I won, but it was an empty win as I didn't really do anything. I'm sticking to Top Trumps, it's far less stupid than conkers.
When are they gonna bring out a top trumps of me? THAT'S what I want to know.