Blimey it was windy today. I was eating a nice patch of grass and a big bit of grit flew in my eye. It's been there all day in fact and it's irritating my eye so much that I'm accidently going around winking at everyone.
I was talking to Bertie cow about the relegation battle this afternoon and how Norwich City look like they might just scrape it if they get a win next Saturday, when she gave me a slap!
I thought I'd upset her cause she's a West Brom fan, but it turns out she thought I was chatting her up! ME!?
I wouldn't chat her up if she was the last cow on the Earth. I'd go out with Bernard the goat before I'd go out with her! And he's got a stupid beard.