Thursday, July 14, 2005

Harold the Goat

Do you remember Bernard the goat? You know annoying bearded thing that eats everything from underpants to old newspapers? Well regular readers will know that Bernard is now a turnip and we keep him in a box to make sure no one eats him. Cos, like you know one day he might grow back into a goat again. Stranger things have happened at sea.

Well anyway, Farmer Jack's gone and bought another goat on the assumption that Bernard's run off somewhere and ain't coming back (It's a fair assumption. Bob Chicken did try and tell Farmer Jack that Bernard's a turnip nowadays, but I think that all that Farmer Jack heard was "Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck.", 'cos he don't speak chicken.).

So this new goat; Harold is his name and nobody likes him one bit!! He struts about like he owns the place, shouting orders at the ducks; telling Larry the horse all about the ways and wherefores of growing vegetables; nagging the cows about all their cowpats everywhere. And he's SO BORING!!! He don't stop yapping!!! Rabbitting on about clouds in the sky, how aeroplanes fly (actually that was quite interesting), telling me I should walk with a better posture otherwise I'll end up bow-legged in my old age. Flippin' cheek. He still eats underpants though, so that's a plus. But, blimey he's coming over tomorrow to tell me and Lenny all about the history of the Industrial Revolution in the 19th Century. Oh joy.

Come back Bernard, all is forgiven, that's what I say!

15 comments:

MIKE DA HAT said...

I bet that Harold is really a card carrying communist infiltrator twenty years too late. Still saying "Come the revolution." forgetting that the revolution has come and gone with a whimper. Goats huh?

Derek said...

Careful what you say, I've heard a couple of the pigs muttering the same words. I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of them...

Fat Tony said...

But who is going to be first up against the wall when the revolution comes?

Derek said...

Pigeons probably. :D

Paws said...

Soooooo...this Harold is getting on your nerves, eh? Guess I'll have to send the lads round to sort him out then, won't I? They'll need a sack and something hard.

Fat Tony said...

Actually it will be goats and sheep first. The pigeon proletariat will take the state from bourgeoisie flocks of woolly animals. And llamas, comrade.

The Doctor's assistant said...

We need a slogan for our revolution! This pigeon must be stopped before my back garden turns into a communist state! That flippin' pigeon stole my book on communist Russia and he now thinks he can rule the entire garden for himself! And take all the flippin' strawberries!

SillyBahrainiGirl said...

amazing blog...

so hilarious it made me go baaaaaaaaa baaaaaaaaa

Menaceman said...

Away from the revolution I would just like to be boring for a moment and note that bad posture can also cause BALDNESS! It stops the blood flow to the folicals, so there!

Molyan said...

Is that true?

Derek said...

Why? Are you going bald?

Menaceman said...

Well, I am not going bald despite what all my friends say. Damn them!... It was on "This Morning" a few weeks ago. They had a posture expert on so I'm guessing there's some truth to it all.

Molyan said...

People on "This Morning" never lie.

Menaceman said...

They may not lie but they do with hold information! My good mate Alan wanted to enter their writing competition and their website said you had to get a form from Waterstones. He went all the way to Derby to get one and they hadn't got any! They told him to download one from the promoter's website! This Morning never mentioned a downloadable form...

Molyan said...

Awww, poor Alan.

I watched some of This Morning this... um... morning.