Sunday, October 28, 2007

My stalker

No news on my turnips yet. I planted 5 into a little patch next to my barn and I've been watering them daily. Bernard the goat came over and had a nose. He wasn't particularly impressed and reckoned I'm more likely to grow some magic beans than turnips. Which, if I'm honest, I think I'd prefer! Imagine having magic beans!!! That would be great. I'm not entirely sure what magic beans would do, but I'm sure it would be brilliant. Lenny reckons with magic beans you could grow a big "beanstalk" and then climb up it into the clouds, enter the castle of a big evil giant and then steal his golden goose. Lenny saw it on the news once, so it must be true. A golden goose would be obviously fab, and I'd be a millionaire (I'd give Lenny a fiver to buy the latest Sugababes CD, so that should keep him happy). I could then go on a world tour of the world and learn about different cultures and discover everything there is to know about various turnips from different continents.

In other news; I think I'm being followed... by a CARRIER BAG!!! No, really. I was walking over to the chickens' place this morning and this blue carrier bag from Bob's newsagent was definitely following me! I wondered whether Bob the newsagent suspected me of stealing curly-wurlies or something and sent out a spy bag to spy on me. Well, it could happen.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I've decided to grow my own turnips. I'm fed up with eating the mouldy old ones farmer Jack gives us, so I thought the best course of action is to grow my own.
To be honest I have absolutely no idea how to grow a turnip, so I asked Alan Horse, he knows everything!

I asked, "Alan, do you know how to grow turnips?"and Alan replied "Neigh". "Is that a "no" then?" I asked. "Neigh" he said. "So you DO know?". "Neigh!" said Alan.

By this time I was eating my own teeth with mild frustration. So I stormed off to see if the farm library had any books on turnips.

Blimey! We had hundreds!!! - "Turnips of The World", "How Turnips Can Make you Fat", "Look, A Turnip", "Are Turnips Interesting?", "My Mum Was a Turnip. From Mars", "What Turnips of The Future Will Probably Look Like", "The Curious Incident Of The Turnip".


But NOT ONE on how to grow one! Ridiculous!
It was a bit of a mistake going in the library, mind you, not only did I not find the book I was looking for, but I owed them £3.50 in overdue fines. I had "Magic Tricks For Ducks" out for a bit too long. Whoops.

So anyway, Lenny suggested I get one of Farmer Jack's turnips and plant it and then hopefully a new one will grow. "A bit like when you plant an acorn and an oak tree grows" he said. Maybe, fingers crossed, I'll get a big turnip tree and I'll have hundreds of turnips! Just in time for Christmas too! yippee!!!!