Apparently I smell.

Lenny told me today that I have B.O.. I had no idea what he meant. Did he mean Bionic Oatflakes? Brilliant Opal (eyes)? Brown Oranges? (That last one doesn't even make sense).
NO!!! He meant I smelt BAD!

What an absolute cheek. I smell lovely. Even Cecil remarked on how keenly I smelt the other day. I'm sure it was meant as a compliment. So the whole farm clubbed together and bought me a can of deoderant; "Eu de Barn Door" it was called. Lenny says that not only will I smell great, I'll also get myself a girlfriend. Like as if that's a good thing. Girlfriends are for idiots; it's a scientific fact - I saw it on Channel Four News.
Anyway, to keep everyone happy, I sprayed some (well all) the stuff under me armpits and behind my ears and now I smell like a rosy barn door! I've not had any women throwing themselves at me though, unless you count wasps and blue-bottles (you'd think I was a big bottle of jam or something the way they're all carrying on).

Now I can't sleep as I stink of perfume and whenever I do dose off all I dream about is Lenny dressed as Charlotte Church chasing me down the street. And that ain't a good thing.