Derek's Diary

Some stupid pigeons sat on our roof today and they got on ALL our nerves. We'd all rushed home to watch "Neighbours" and they were cooing and squawking and tapping around on the roof. You can't concentrate under those conditions, so I went outside and gave them a piece of my mind. I hate birds as you know, but I hate pigeons the most 'cos they smell and poo everywhere.
They were so oblivious to my shouting that they just ignored me. I kept shouting and screaming, but they weren't having any of it. It was only when I started throwing rocks at them and they come after me to peck my eyes out, that I realised they were wearing the new "ipod shuffle", which is why they couldn't hear me. I hadn't seen one yet and they looked very nice.
So we got talking about ipods etc. and I proudly showed them my p-pod which they were very interested in. They're the sort who like to keep up with all the latest gadgets and hadn't heard of "p-pods" and said I was probably the coolest sheep in this field! What nice pigeons.
When I went back in the barn to tell everybody how brilliant I apparently am, I realised I'd completely missed Neighbours!
Suddenly it was one of the worst days in my life!
I never miss an episode of Neighbours. Never.