Derek's Diary

DONUTS!!!!

2010-06-23T12:04:00.002Z

Morning readers.

Don't you just hate it when you look at a blog and all you ever read is,

"Gosh, sorry I haven't posted here for a while, I got run over by a lorry and I've been sooo busy and stuff. I hope you can forgive me and I promise to update EVERY DAY from now on. Seriously. Pinky swear."

And then they never update their blog for another six months. What losers!!!!

Anyway, where was I?

OH YES!!!!

Check out this month's Beanomax, inside you'll find a brilliant new story by me!!! It's probably my best story in over 3 years and that's saying a lot cos there's been some real crackers (and some humdingers if I'm telling the truth. Cecil was mainly in those ones, so I'm absolved of any blame).

Here's an exciting clip to whet your appetite (what ever that means):

Good Lord I'm in a bad mood right there. Blame Big Big Baz. I hates him.

I'm in the Beanomax EVERY MONTH!!!! Have been since January. Sorry I didn't tell you (or maybe I did). I haven't been kicked out of the Beano or anything, just finding it tough enough go on one crazy adventure once a month as it is. I'll try and get back in there as soon as poss. I promise!!!

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Sheep Swap Number 9! Woohoo!

2010-03-11T15:58:00.002Z

Click the pic!

100 years later... SHEEP SWAP 8!!!

2010-03-09T13:33:00.003Z

Click to enlargify.

I know. We've been busy and stuff. A billion apologies. More tomorrow!!!

Sheep Swap numero 7!! Woohoo!

2010-02-08T17:33:00.003Z

We're back, yay!!!

Click the picture to enlarge!

Vern n Derek Part 6!!! OMG!!!

2010-01-22T17:05:00.004Z

Hooray! Click the pic!

Derek n Vern pt5!! Woohoo!

2010-01-21T16:32:00.002Z

Click to enlarge!

Vern n Derek part 4!!!

2010-01-19T16:18:00.000Z

Click the pic!

Vern n Derek pt 3!!

2010-01-18T16:55:00.001Z

Click le pic!

Vern and Derek - Off they go!

2010-01-15T11:40:00.001Z

Click to enlarge!

Derek 'n' Vern!

2010-01-14T14:36:00.006Z

Yeah, yeah. This blog has died. I know, I know. So to liven things up, there'll be a daily comic starring me and another famous cartoon sheep, Vern, from the upcoming Vern and Lettuce book from the DFC Library, written and drawn by Sarah McIntyre Called Sheep Swap, I'll be living in Vern's flat, whilst Vern will live in my field. Hopefully all manner of hilarity will ensue!

Here's the front cover!

(Click pic to see bigger version!)

Be sure to pop by tomorrow to see what nonsense happens!!!

BEANOMAX!!!!!

2010-01-14T11:42:00.004Z

Happy New Year sheep fans!

Brilliant news!!! I'm in the Beanomax EVERY. FLIPPIN'. MONTH. (Apart from March that is)!!!! Hooray!!!!

Yep, you read it correctly; I've come out of semi-retirement, put away my sun cream and lawn mower and have embarked on a plethora of mad adventures, which start THIS MONTH!!!111!!eleventyfour!38!!!wot?!!!?

Here's an exciting moment from this month's snowy issue...

HAHAHAAAR!!! Amazing. Nothing but topical, me. Did you enjoy the snow? I did. In fact I love snow and tend to hate all those who moan about it. Get with the program grandads; SNOW IS BRILLIANT. FACT.

Well anyway, I'm off to the shops to buy Fizzy Turnips, my favourite sweets.

Laters!!!

I'M BACK!!!

2009-10-08T17:50:00.004Z

Yeah, I know it's been flippin' ages, but you know what, I'm here now and that's all that matters. Right?

I'm in this week's Beano, which is brilliant and I'm brilliant. And maybe you're brilliant too (well, most of you anyway). This week's episode involves an old boot, a genie, sausages and mash, Britney Spears... EVERYTHING!!!!

Here's a great moment to treasure forever...

Do you miss me? Then check me out on twitter!!!

http://twitter.com/Derekthesheep

It's a right laugh and apparently the only reason to read twitter, so I've heard!!

LATERS!!!!!!

Wayne The Whale!!

2009-05-14T11:44:00.001Z

Well here he is!! Jack Rowland's brilliant character Wayne the Whale! Sorry I didn't put it up earlier; I moved barns since the competition and the drawing wasn't where I thought it was :(

Congrats again to Jack!!

Cor blimey! Look who's in the Beano!!

2009-05-08T20:39:00.003Z

Yup! It's me!! Me and the lads are on the beach looking to get lovely tans, when a big flippin' whale turns up and spoils the party!

Mega thanks to Jack Rowlands who invented Wayne The Whale last year in a competition set by Mr. Northfield on one of his library trips to Newport Central Library (big thanks to Tracey Paddon who ran the event)!! Tomorrow I'll post his winning pic.

Don't forget to vote if you like the story! Thanks!

Big Twit

2009-04-05T17:09:00.003Z

Hello!

Yeah, I know I'm never here no more and my Beano appearances have slowed down a bit, but life has been beyond hectic (moving barn, fighting chickens, catching cowpox etc, etc). But if you want to catch up with my latest bleatings I'm now over at Twitter!!

https://twitter.com/Derekthesheep

I'll be updating this old blog when any big news happens, so never fear, I'll always be around!

Thank you for all your patience and look out for a new Derek story in the Beano very soon!

Byee

Derek Christmas Extravaganza!!!

2008-12-09T18:07:00.005Z

Yep, my book is out! Hooray! I could've mentioned it here earlier, but I forgot my password to get in :(. Cecil fortunately was at hand and he has a memory of an elephant, which is quite big apparently. Bees are quite small, so that memory is like one of those mega-computers that you see in mad films that take over the world. By the way, I've got the lurgey, so apologies if I don't make any sense whatsoever. Like usual.

The book is out from Bloomsbury and you can buy it from the usual places like amazon etc., so there's no excuse not to pick it up. I've not actually seen it in any shops (and boy I've looked in enough!), but I've been assured by Lenny that he saw one copy in a big Waterstones, although one branch actually refuses to sell it, which is a shame. Don't they know who I am? I'm in the BEANO!!!!! They'd be millionaires if they sold it!

Bah. Whatever.

You're probably better off buying it online is all I'm saying.

Anyways... My latest adventure is in the Beanomax!!

Here's an exciting clip:

Merry Christmas one and all!!!!

Quick!!! Buy the Beano!!!

2008-08-31T14:12:00.003Z

I'm in it!! I've not been able to find a copy myself, so good luck. Apologies for not telling you sooner :(

Here's a panel to make up for it ....

Hooray!! It's a very silly story (as one would expect).

I'll put up a big post regarding my great new book from Bloomsbury tomorrow too! I hope you're all rushing out and buying it (if not, why not?)

Cheers!!!!

Shoutbox won't let me shout

2008-08-10T16:00:00.001Z

For some reason I can't post in the shoutbox :(
So direct any queries to me on my messageboard or in the comments on this blog.

Ta!

Disco Fever!

2008-08-09T12:46:00.003Z

Yup! I'm back in the good ol' Beano again this week! Hooray!
I'm stuck in one of those horrible Discos where no girls will dance with me... I've never understood it. I'm good looking, witty... I might have sheep-breath, but at least it ain't cowpat breath! Kevin Rabbit and Dave Goose are my fellow wall-flowers in a strange tale of haircuts and lettuce leaves.

Here's a lovely clip from the episode!

My book is due soon too, which is mega-exciting!! And the next Beano annual! There'll be Derek stories coming out of your ears if you're not too careful.

Meet the Author!

2008-08-02T22:22:00.002Z

Howdy! Things are hotting up in Derek the Sheep land (where I live)! Gary Northfield, the chap who signs his name at the end of my strips, will be appearing at Newport Central Library, Newport, Wales this Thursday, August 7, 2008, between 11am and 12 noon and Malpas Library, Malpas, Wales between 2pm and 3pm. He'll be chatting about me, Derek, my brilliant stories and showing off my great new book out from Bloomsbury! (Which is lovely, I must say. I have an advanced copy and it looks fab!) There will probably be some children's workshop-type of thing involving some cartooning and creating characters, which should be fun.

ALSO - on the 23rd of August, he'll be getting involved in some more chat about me at the Cartoon Museum in London http://www.cartoonmuseum.org/ (click the link for "Cartoon classes and Events")
There's a big exhibition of Beano art on there too, so it'll be worth a visit at some point anyway. There's even an example of some lovely Derek artwork too, which makes even more brilliant than ever!

Flower Festival

2008-07-15T21:04:00.005Z

Hello!

I've had an anonymous email asking me to announce that St.John's Church in Porthmadog will be holding a Flower Festival from Wednesday 16th of July to Sunday 20th. Open 10-30am - 5-30pm. Refreshments available. I did have a look on google to see if it's true or not, but I couldn't verify it I'm afraid. Why anyone would invent a Flower Festival I don't know, so I think it's safe to assume it's true! In fact, Bernard the goat has volunteered to check it out on the farm's behalf, because apparently he loves flowers. Although, now I've written that out in words, I'm not entirely sure he means just appreciating their "looks"... Oh well, I hope he doesn't eat too many of them, otherwise there won't be many left for Sunday!

If any of my readers wish to advertise their local fetes, jumble sales etc on my blog, then drop me a line. We will of course send round a member of the farm for authentification reasons and we'd appreciate some remittance towards travel and board. A bag of turnips and a cardboard box normally does the trick!

It might've been a quiet six months...

2008-07-14T20:08:00.005Z

... But, you'll be seeing plenty of me for the rest of the year!

Some of you may have noticed that I've not had many adventures for a while, in fact I think I've only had three or four this year. Sorry about that! My regular monthly appearances will soon be back on track. Sometimes running about getting up to nonsense on a regular basis takes it's toll, and I needed a bit of a rest in preparation for the next onslaught of madness!!!

On the way soon is a jolly little tale of some disco dancing as me and the boys fight over who gets to dance with Vera the cow (who has a mean right hook!).

Then there's a mad story that pits me against Big Baz to see who can be the Biggest Turnip at the "Vegetable Fancy Dress"!

Then by the time you've read those, The 2009 Beano Book will be on the shelves and there's a lovely story depicting me and my pals on the trail of dinosaurs, as witnessed by Bert Worm!! Yes Bert makes his fully-fledged debut in a Beano publication and we're all very proud of him round 'ere. Well Lenny is proud I think. It's a weird story, I'll be honest with you, with a bizarre ending. In fact I think it was that particular story that nearly made me give up! I thought I'd lost the plot! Seriously.

Then of course, there's my brilliant book coming out from Bloomsbury, chock-a-block full of classic stories from a few years ago. I've got a special advance copy, and I must admit it's a very handsome book indeed!

So, there's plenty of Derek The Sheep Madness © coming up! Hooray!!!

Beanstalk Madness!!

2008-04-20T14:25:00.003Z

I have a cracking new story in the current issue of the Beano! Hooray! About flipping time too, I hear you all cry. I've been a busy old sheep, so apologies for the delay in getting stories out into the world. Just to make up for it, my appearance is the first part of a two-part story! So, I'm in there NEXT WEEK TOO!!!

It's a particularly stupid story involving beanstalks, widescreen T.V.'s and maybe Noel Edmonds.. Here's a panel to whet your appetite!

Aw, ain't it loverly? Kevin the Rabbit has quite a starring role in this tale; Kev likes his daytime TV and woe betide anyone who gets in the way of his Bootsale Challenge!

tootlepip!

Norbert!!!!!

2008-02-11T22:26:00.000Z

My French comic strip book Norbert Le Mouton, published by Editions De L'an 2/Actes Sud, is now available to buy! Yippee!!! How exciting is that?

You can pick it up from amazon.fr and various other online French stores.

But, don't worry if you can't speak French, cos the British version will be available in September from Bloomsbury!

Merci beaucoup!

Loverly Poems!!!

2008-01-29T20:40:00.000Z

Thanks to everyone who took the time to write a brilliant poem about me and my pals! You're all such a talented bunch and I'm very grateful for your efforts.

Mrs. Farmer Jack had a good read of the entries and decided on one particular piece of prose that impressed her no end!

And the prize of a signed "Norbert Le mouton" goes to......

Sylvia Cowplath!!!!

And here it is ....

The Ballad of Derek and the Gang

By Ewe 2

Rodney is a great big bully
Probably ‘cos his brain’s so woolly
But when we said ‘just do your worst’
He went and phoned that Damien Hirst.

And spare a thought for Daisy the Ewe,
A departed member of our crew
Daisy braved the fire troll’s bridge -
She’s now kebabs in someone’s fridge

Our barn got washed away last summer;
Farmer Jack was seldom glummer.
But I chummed up with Kevin Carrot.
He’s nice and quiet – not like a parrot.

Flippin’ ‘eck – I left out Lenny –
Who can forget that day when he
And I went sledging on the barn
And so did the entire farm!

We sheep wish that Jack the Farmer
Would treat us more as Samuel Palmer
Did. His sheep can safely munch
While Jack’s preparing us for lunch.

And now we’re going to be in French
And hope that you will soonest wrench
Yourselves from boring, dreary duties
Pour admirer we fleecy beauties!

Sylvia Cowplath

So BIG congratulations to Sylvia!

Mrs Farmer Jack was impressed with Sylvia's dexterous verbal rhymes and in-depth knowledge of my Beano shenanigans!

All other entries will receive a signed picture of me, so everyone's a winner really!

All the best

Derek

Update tomorrow!!

2008-01-28T18:24:00.000Z

Apologies for the quietitude (is that a real word? Sounds great anyway!). Just got back from France and a successful weekend flogging "Norbert" books to a hungry French public!

The poetry winner will be announced tomorrow!! Yippee!!! So exciting!!!

Have you bought last week's Beano? I'm in there! Wrestling ladybirds! Quick buy it before this week's edition turns up!

Is it me, or is there just not enough exclamation marks in this mini-update?!

Christmas Winner!!!

2007-12-18T22:32:00.000Z

We have a glorious winner in our "Christmas Derek Picture Competition"! And it is none other than Jordan Mooney!!! Congratulations!!!

Mrs Farmer Jack liked the use of colours and jolly expressive faces on each of the characters. I liked it, cos I look more handsome than normal.

One signed Beano 2007 Annual in the post for you old bean.

A special mention to someone called "Mad Nigel" (very familiar name that) for his nice pencil study of me and Santa:

Very nice hand-colouring in this one, although I don't look as good looking as in Jordan's pic. A special prize will be coming your way too!

Thank you to everyone who took part and don't forget to send in your Derek the Sheep poems!!

Thank you!!

ANOTHER competition!

2007-12-11T20:50:00.000Z

You lucky people. We really do love competitions round 'ere, so much so, we're running a SECOND one!!! This time it's a poem I'm after.

I want you to write a hilarious poem about me and my pals! It can be as long or as short as you want. It can be a limerick or a 50 page Shakespearean soliloquy (good luck with that one).

It's probably sailing a bit close to the wind for Christmas but get your entries in to me by December 31st and the best one (as judged by Mrs Farmer Jack) will get a signed/scribbled on copy of my new French book "Norbert Le Mouton"! How's that then? Up for it? I know it's in French, but it's got me jammed in there to the rafters. And what better way to learn French than to compare French speechbubbles with English one's.

The book's due out at the end of January/ beginning of February 2008.

Mrs Farmer Jack's opinion will be final!!!

I thank you.

Christmas Competition!!

2007-12-05T20:11:00.001Z

Oh yes, we love competitions round 'ere. Especially me! and Lenny. We love playing "guess the weight" of the various animals around the farm. I'm normally quite brilliant at this, especially with the fatter specimens (no names mentioned). I actually got Rodney the bull spot on with 38 stone!! What a lump! I won a curly wurly. I rule.

Anyway! It's Christmas and I want a lovely festive drawing of me and/or my pals! Doesn't matter about the size (under 10mb though) and in jpeg format and the winner picked by Mrs. Farmer Jack will win a Beano Annual 2008 signed by the creator of Derek the Sheep!!! Cor!! How marvelous. Previous winners of such prizes will attest that such a thing is lovely and you get a few more scribbles and graffitti sprinkled throughout too!

In fact ALL entries will get a free sketch of me (hopefully it's not more than five or six entries otherwise that's alot of drawing!).

So make it nice 'n' festive 'n' colourful 'n' stupid. Entries by Sunday 16th December and winner announced Monday or tuesday evening. you should get your pressies in good time for the last xmas post!

Send entries to dereksheep@yahoo.co.uk

Hopefully I haven't forgotten anything. Judges decision is final! (they always say that don't they?)

Thank you!

Christmas Comes Early!

2007-11-22T17:06:00.001Z

Hooray! A new Derek the Sheep story hits the stands and it's in the new Christmas Beanomax! And, by gum, if it isn't my best story for ages! Check out those beautiful colours and hilarious gags. Aren't they brilliant? Here's a sneaky pic just to tip you over the edge, just in case you were thinking you might give it a miss...

Very nice too.

My stalker

2007-10-28T17:22:00.000Z

No news on my turnips yet. I planted 5 into a little patch next to my barn and I've been watering them daily. Bernard the goat came over and had a nose. He wasn't particularly impressed and reckoned I'm more likely to grow some magic beans than turnips. Which, if I'm honest, I think I'd prefer! Imagine having magic beans!!! That would be great. I'm not entirely sure what magic beans would do, but I'm sure it would be brilliant. Lenny reckons with magic beans you could grow a big "beanstalk" and then climb up it into the clouds, enter the castle of a big evil giant and then steal his golden goose. Lenny saw it on the news once, so it must be true. A golden goose would be obviously fab, and I'd be a millionaire (I'd give Lenny a fiver to buy the latest Sugababes CD, so that should keep him happy). I could then go on a world tour of the world and learn about different cultures and discover everything there is to know about various turnips from different continents.

In other news; I think I'm being followed... by a CARRIER BAG!!! No, really. I was walking over to the chickens' place this morning and this blue carrier bag from Bob's newsagent was definitely following me! I wondered whether Bob the newsagent suspected me of stealing curly-wurlies or something and sent out a spy bag to spy on me. Well, it could happen.

Turnips

2007-10-17T21:39:00.000Z

I've decided to grow my own turnips. I'm fed up with eating the mouldy old ones farmer Jack gives us, so I thought the best course of action is to grow my own.
To be honest I have absolutely no idea how to grow a turnip, so I asked Alan Horse, he knows everything!

I asked, "Alan, do you know how to grow turnips?"and Alan replied "Neigh". "Is that a "no" then?" I asked. "Neigh" he said. "So you DO know?". "Neigh!" said Alan.

By this time I was eating my own teeth with mild frustration. So I stormed off to see if the farm library had any books on turnips.

Blimey! We had hundreds!!! - "Turnips of The World", "How Turnips Can Make you Fat", "Look, A Turnip", "Are Turnips Interesting?", "My Mum Was a Turnip. From Mars", "What Turnips of The Future Will Probably Look Like", "The Curious Incident Of The Turnip".

Hundreds.

But NOT ONE on how to grow one! Ridiculous!
It was a bit of a mistake going in the library, mind you, not only did I not find the book I was looking for, but I owed them £3.50 in overdue fines. I had "Magic Tricks For Ducks" out for a bit too long. Whoops.

So anyway, Lenny suggested I get one of Farmer Jack's turnips and plant it and then hopefully a new one will grow. "A bit like when you plant an acorn and an oak tree grows" he said. Maybe, fingers crossed, I'll get a big turnip tree and I'll have hundreds of turnips! Just in time for Christmas too! yippee!!!!

It's A Derek Bonanza!!!

2007-07-05T21:20:00.000Z

There's never been a greater time to be a Derek The Sheep fan than this week! All the planets have aligned, the wind's blowing in the right direction (that'll be the sprouts I had for breakfast) and there are TWO appearances of my beautiful self on your newsagent's shelf right now!!!!

Can you believe it? Me neither. I actually fainted and everybody felt sorry for me and gathered round to made sure I was ok. Then those sprouts kicked in again and everyone went back to hating me just like they did before.

1) I'm in the Beanomax!! The film special issue 5 thingy. Cecil's directing a science fiction film and me and Lenny are UFO's. It's hilarious.
Here's a lovely clip....

It's get better, believe me. It even has one of my now legendary mini-strips running along the bottom. Is it funny? You decide.

2) I'm back in the normal weekly Beano!!! Hooray!! I think the Beano ed. is just pleased to know that I'm alive after all my Beanomax shenanigans. But he'd needn't fear as I have plenty of mad stories coming out of my ears! There should be a brilliant one on his desk Friday morning, and it's brilliant. In fact it's so brilliant, he should kick Dennis out of the Beano and shove me on the front as I'm tremendously better looking than that weirdo. Sales would rocket too. Trust me.

Here's an excerpt from this week's saga...

Yep that's correct - I'm in Australia! What a laugh! Although it wasn't; it was horrible. it's a two-part story, so I'll be in there next week too! And maybe the week after!!! Who knows? Hooray!

Ta ra!!!

(And of course, if you enjoyed my strips, then don't forget to vote on the Beanotown website! Thank you!)

Er...

2007-05-16T00:42:00.000Z

Watcha. Flippin' eck I'm up late. I dropped my ipod down a drain and now I've got to re-upload all my tunes and it's taking forever. Actually it's been quite a useful experience as I can delete all those rubbish tunes that clog the flipping thing up.
Why on Earth I've got Macedonian Horse Banjo music on there is anyone's guess. But it always turns up when I have it on shuffle.

Bert Worm gave me his latest MP3s the other day (he's a famous worm singer in his own right), but they're not really my thing to be honest, so I've deleted all of them. Worm music is a very acquired taste; imagine a long, thin Bjork singing through a toilet roll tube, and you'll get an idea of how worms sound when they sing (I hope Bert doesn't read this, he's a very sensitive artist).
I blame his mother; she always said he had a great voice and she hasn't got any ears!

Cor! Exciting poll!!!

2007-05-07T17:10:00.000Z

I've not been able to relax this bank holiday weekend, mainly due to the very exciting poll over at Beanotown.com.

I was leading by quite a margin at one point, cos that's how great I am. But then Big Baz and Nutty Nigel rallied all those on the farm who happened to hate me (i.e. the ducks, Bernard the goat, the chickens, Rodney the Bull, Alan Horse, Colin pig, Kevin Rabbit... the list is endless), and got them to vote against me!! The rotters!! Don't matter though, my support has turned out in strength and last time I looked I was still second.

At least I'm not last. Like normal!

Life imitates art

2007-04-30T13:03:00.000Z

"Ogre mistakes sheep for dog" you say? Are my stories getting more ridiculous by the hour? Well, I saw this story the other day and I thought it was strange that it wasn't too disimilar to my own Beano story that was out the very same week.
Sort of.

Although according to this article it's completely made up!

Would be funny it were true though. I've always fancied going to Japan actually, what with all their mad toys and current pop-art culture. So if any Japanese fans fancy having Derek the Sheep in their favourite Manga comic, then drop me a line and if you pay for my trip, I'll happily pop over and discuss it with you!

Quick! Buy the Beano!!

2007-04-29T12:47:00.000Z

Blimey! I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on! (Are heads screwed on then? Who knew?)
I'm in this week's Beano!!!
It's totally insane too, with an Afghan dog, an ogre, bubble baths, wigs, er.. sticks. Even Nobby turns up, not that he does or says anything. I reckon we need a "Nobby Special" a bit like that one with Rodney a few months ago. What do you reckon?

A weird panel from this week's story...

Obscure, I know. That's me in a wig. Don't I look lovely?

My next appearance will be in Beanomax issue 4!! Cool, eh? Just working on issue 5 right now and it's really lovely too.
Just finished my adventure for the Beano Annual 2009 (4 pages of nonsense in the Australian Outback), but you won't be able to read that for over a year! How mad is that?

So what I'm saying is, my next appearance in the regular weekly might not be for some time (if they'll still have me back), but it's not like we've been lazing about or anything! What with Beanomax, Beano Annuals and Bloomsbury, we've had Derek the Sheep stories coming out of our ears round 'ere.

To be frank, I'm sick of the sight of me. And so's Lenny.

Hello! Remember me?

2007-04-14T13:10:00.000Z

I've been everso EVERSO busy this last month or two. I've not even had time to watch telly or anything. You've hopefully by now spotted this week's great new adventure (I say "great"; it's not bad. That panel at the end of the first page is a bit ropey. It don't even look like me! Although it's a nice drawing of a tree in the first panel, so that sort of makes up for it.)
Here's a panel to remind you of a brilliant hilarious moment...

There are some lovely funny moments in there, so do rush out and buy it if you get a chance.

My other workload has also included working on a book collection of my early strips for Bloomsbury!!!

Yep! all the rumours are true! As many of my hardcore readers know, the especially lovely people at Bloomsbury think I'm really handsome and witty and that I deserve an even greater audience than the one I already have. They have a deep love of sheep too, so it really is home from home.

Here's a list of the stories to be included:

1. The Grass Is Always Greener
2. Field Of Dreams
3. Getting The Wind Up
4. Flies
5. It's An Ill Wind
6. He's Got The Power
7. One For The Pot
8. Let's Bee Friends
9. No Business Like Snow Business
10. Bad Hair Day
11. The Bells Are Ringing
12. Lame Excuse
13. Having A Ball

I think the only stories from that first year that aren't included are; the one with frisbee (my second appearance) and the Christmas Nativity story.
It should be 59 pages of extreme hilarity for the whole family to cherish for years to come. that's what Lenny says anyway.
Hopefully it will sell by the bucketload and I can then bring out another book with all my other stories in!!
Well, I can dream....

YOU WHAT??!!

2007-03-01T23:18:00.000Z

Yes, you've guessed it; I've gone a bit deaf! You can read all about it in this week's Beano!

I'm back at last!! Hooray you all shout! I've cast off the shackles of putting together my book for the French people and gotten over a well rotten cold and now it's full steam ahead for normal Derek service!! Well, as normal as I ever get that is. Take this week's story; slugs, fleas, hairy ears, Cheryl Crow, I mean Blackbird, explosions, bogies, EVERYTHING!!! All crammed into a two-page glorious extravaganza.

Check out this hilarious moment...

Adrian slug was a right misery throughout it has to be said. I've known him for a while and he's always refused to take part in any of my stories (Bert Worm's the same; very camera shy), but I promised him a big packet of Sour Skittles if he turned up for a few panels, which he duly obliged. But unfortunately I duly ate the said Sour Skittles (seeing as I like the way they make me froth out of my nose) and he got WELL upset.
Obviously I scarpered, which if you think about it, is an idiot-proof plan; hands up all those who have been chased by a slug and have been caught and bopped in the chops?

Exactly.

Enjoy!!!

(And of course if you really love me, don't forget to show your appreciation by voting for me over at the Beanotown website! I'll beat that Dennis one day, just you watch! Thanks dudes.)

***EDIT***

By the way, did you know this week's story marks my third anniversary in the Beano? Let's have a party!!!

2007-02-17T15:01:00.000Z

Can't cope waiting for a new Derek the Sheep strip in the Beano? Then check out this awesome story by one of my biggest fans, Mooneyman!

You are an evil genius, sir.

Mad Drawing!!!

2007-02-13T22:40:00.000Z

I keep promising to post some of my fan drawings, so here's a completely loopy one to get the ball rolling!

Thanks Alex!!

Get Voting!

2007-01-29T23:15:00.000Z

Ooh. there's some award-vote thingy happening for comics or summint here and you can nominate me if you want! That's if you love me of course. I'm already listed on "Favourite Comics Writer/Artist", but you could also nominate me for Favourite Comics Character if you wanted to too! I think. By adding my name in the white box or something. In fact you can put me in any catagory I might fit into. Apart from "Favourite Mango". I'm definitely not a mango. I've only ever won an egg and spoon race before, so please VOTE FOR ME!!!! And make a little sheep happy!
Ta dudes! you know I love you :)

Lurgy

2007-01-16T19:12:00.000Z

Hello.
We had hoped to have had more Dave Carrot this week, but I'm all bogied up with a rotten cold :(
Hopefully towards the end of the week another exciting episode will emerge if I get better.
Lenny has the lurgy now too and isn't pleased seeing as it was obviously from me when I sneezed all over his face on Saturday. Oops.

Dave Carrot's Amazing Adventures!!!!

2007-01-08T18:56:00.000Z

Episode 1

Click to enlarge.

Dave Carrot!

2007-01-06T21:25:00.000Z

It seems that Dave Carrot's brief appearance a few weeks ago was immensely popular (at least three people told me how great he was!), so starting next week exclusively on this blog...

****Drum roll****

THE EXCITING ADVENTURES OF DAVE CARROT!!!

****sounds of cymbals clashing and crowds cheering*****

Starts Monday!

BEEP!

2007-01-06T15:56:00.000Z

Watcha again! Another week, another Derek The Sheep story!!

You lucky people.

This week you meet my lovely sister Ethel (with a beard, eurgh!) and my mad little nephew Benny, who says Beep alot. The weirdo. It's a cracking story and probably the best one ever since that one about the horse last week.

Here's a brilliant moment (***Warning!! Contains spoilers!!!****)

That little rascal! Also, if you don't like spiders and are a bit soft (like Lenny), then this issue is best avoided as it stars the biggest ugliest spider ANY OF US HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!!

You have been warned...

Horsing about!

2006-12-30T21:08:00.000Z

Watcha! Have a good Christmas? We did! We had a big party and everything! Farmer Jack dressed up as Father Christmas and gave us all brilliant presents. I got a lovely new beanie hat and I certainly look the coolest on the farm. Keeps the ol' head warm too.
Lenny got the latest CD from Girls Aloud so he's well chuffed. Cecil's gone on a week's break to Norway to visit family. Norwegian bees, eh? Who knew?

Anyway!! I'm in the Beano RIGHT NOW!!! I know! I nearly missed it too! Too busy scoffing chocolate me!

Here's an exciting excerpt...

Yeah! you get to meet my old pal Alan Horse! Although I'm a bit horrible about him in this particular episode, but I don't mean it; I was just jealous of his jet-setting lifestyle of sugar cubes and warm coats.

Have a Happy New Year!!

Ta-ra.

Derek

Elvis

2006-12-19T18:47:00.000Z

I've decided to adopt a turtle called Elvis. Check him out on the right there. He's brilliant! He's my great new friend and far more interesting than Lenny or Cecil. You just give him a worm and he's as happy as a lemon. If only everyone was like that, how much lovelier the world would be.
i hope he doesn't die if I don't feed him or something, so if you could help out on the worm-feeding business, I'd be most grateful. Ta!

Ch-ch-ch-Check it out!!

2006-12-07T20:59:00.000Z

No, I haven't suddenly turned into a dodgy DJ from the '80's; I'm urging you to rush out and buy this week's BEANO!!!!

Is it me, or is my story this week my best EVER?? Even better than that one with the robot arm or perhaps the one where I grew long hair? I'll let you decide. There's even a proper joke in there too! Can you believe it? An actual GAG!!! It's hilarious. Lenny coughed on his jelly tots when he read it, that's how brilliant it is. Even the pun at the end is quite good this time. Shocking.

Here's a brilliant scene where I get bitten by a crab!

What comedy! Check out that gorgeous colouring too! I think michaelangelo must've done it or something as it's mindblowing.

There's even an 'omage to Hiroshige in there, that's how cutting edge my strips are.
So rush out and buy it now!!! Yippee!!!

P.S. Careful when you try and vote for me over at the Beano online poll - it's for the one you HATE!!! so you don't want to vote for me whatsoever. vote for Dennis, cos they'll never kick him out whatever happens.

Well? What do you reckon?

2006-11-24T23:49:00.000Z

Ain't my new blog shiny and lovely? It was getting a bit boring round 'ere, not least because I've been everso busy on a special project. (It's only exciting if you can speak French though).
Fingers and hooves crossed that soon I can tell you all about it, but by gum it's been a hard slog. Imagine half re-drawing, completely re-colouring 13 of my stories (59 pages in 5 weeks!!! Aaarrrgh!!), plus inventing a whole bunch of new panels so it can all fit nice and neater in book form. Actually, I've basically told you what it is right there, but I don't want to jinx it in case it doesn't get printed. When that's done THEN I can get on with super-speedy new stories for the Beano! I've got a whole bunch of mad adventures that need telling, not least of which being The Return Of Big Baz and Mad Nigel, and Cecil's forays into Science fiction Movie Making. These ain't even been drawn yet, but they will be in the next month or so. You'll just have to put up with what I've sent in recently i.e. meeting my little nephew Benny and my bearded sister; me and all the other sheep being washed up on an island in the middle of an ocean and a great new story where we all get to meet Alan horse, who is lovely.
Personally I can't wait! hooray!!

Rodney Takes Over!!!

2006-10-28T11:30:00.000Z

Aaaarggh!

Wot a cheek! I become the most famous resident on my farm, so other less interesting residents decide they want part of the action.
"Oh if Derek can get in the Beano, and he's such a big idiot, then so can I!". Thus this week's episode starring Rodney the Bull. To be fair, who's going to mess with him? Not me. He's big and smelly and I wouldn't go near him with a barge-pole, whatever that might be. (And he was coloured in white last month, which caused much mirth round 'ere I can tell ya! Hahaha!!)

so, whatever, pree-senting the sad tale of the loser Rodney the Bull, on sale now my beloved Derek fans.

Alan Horse

2006-10-17T20:52:00.000Z

Brilliant. Now Alan Horse thinks I think he's an alien. That stupid Lenny! It's all his fault with his blabbing. He must have cocopops for brains.

In fact Alan's so mad, NO horses are talking to me and I'm not allowed to watch this week's "Horse Mastermind" where all the horses on the farm show off their general knowledge and answer questions on a specialised subject. It's always very exciting and sometimes I get to ask the questions. But now I'm banned.

Horses are right thick anyway. Alan's chosen subject tends to be "Baked Beans through history from 1987 to 1999", or "Spiderman's ugliest girlfriends". How does that show ANY signs of intelligence? He'd be better off with questions on sugar lumps or er.. what colour horses are. Through history.

Bah!!

Aliens - Are they out there?

2006-10-16T22:53:00.000Z

Aliens. Do they exist? I've often pondered this age old question. Are there beings on other worlds? I asked Lenny today as he pretends to know everything. But he thought I said Alans.
"Alans? Do Alans exist?" He replied, "I know at least two Alans, so yes, they do exist. Alan Horse and Alan Chicken, you know, the one with the wonky legs".

I got very mad with Lenny. I'm sure he's going deaf! So I pushed him into a cowpat 'cos he annoyed me so much.

Bert worm weren't much help neither. He says he knows at least three aliens and I said "No! Not ALANS; ALIENS!!!". Bert reckons he knew what I said and he knew about three real aliens, but seeing as I was shouting at him, he weren't going to tell me about 'em. Yeah, whatever. Stupid worm. How do worms know any aliens?! They live in the dirt! I was only asking him a phisolophical question. I weren't expecting to actually meet any!! Maybe I'll spy on him and see if he's lying or not.

Maybe I'll ask Cecil. HE knows everything that need to be known.
Maybe he knows about Bert's alien friends.
To be honest, I wish I'd never asked. Never ask worms important questions, that's my advice to you my friends.

Cor! Look!

2006-09-14T22:20:00.000Z

Watcha!! Can you believe it? I'm alive!!
I'm rarely near a computer at the moment due to me dropping my laptop in the sheep-dip. Of all the luck. I'm now typing this on a blueberry-bluetooth-cellphone-thingamyjig that Dave duck has let me borrow. I might actually nick it as he does owe me 50p, so this should even things up a bit.

I'M IN THE BEANO!!! AGAIN!!!! Yeah I know I was in there a couple of weeks ago and I completely forgot to mention it on here. But what it was right, is that I'd actually dreamt that I'd put it on my blog, woke up thinking that I'd really put it on here and then it wasn't until Bert Worm asked when I was going to be in the Beano again, or had they finally got rid of me cos the artwork's so rubbish, that I realised it had all been a dream! Hahaha! Isn't that funny? I think even the conversation with Bert Worm was a dream too, not a particularly good one though; I had one once where I was a spaceman who conquered Mars and all us sheep went to live there and we had a big war with the Cows from Jupiter. Now THAT was a classic. Talking to a worm just does not compare.

Anyways...The Beano and Me! Back together again! look - here's an exciting picture..

Hahaha! Brilliant! It's a great story actually, so run out and buy it!!!

NOW!!!!!

Ta-ra!

Journey to the centre of the Earth!!

2006-08-18T23:11:00.000Z

I'm thinking of going on this trip. What do you reckon?
I bet there are dinosaurs and everything down there! Imagine seeing dinosaurs with your own eyeballs! It would be brilliant. I also bet there are civilisations there which haven't changed since the dawn of time, like real cave-men, except they live in trees or something. I bet also they have amazing technology that helps you transport yourself to other planets in the blink of an eye!!! Even though they are cavemen!

In fact I bet that's what every one of the fools heading off on this trip is expecting to find! The loonybins!

EDIT: Hahahaha!! I was right! I just read this bit about a previous trip,

"Moreover, a brief newspaper account of the flight held that a member of the admiral's crew had observed a monstrous greenish-hued animal moving through the underbrush of that land beyond the Pole."

Cor! I'm definitely going!!!!

Duck a'la blacmange

2006-08-14T22:21:00.000Z

Cor, what a brilliant laugh we had feeding the ducks!!!

Ducks are well stupid and I could spend all day watching them quack to each other. Although Eddie duck didn't appreciate me staring at him and pointing and laughing at his mates. But whatever. He's a duck; what's he going to do? Bite my kneecaps?
Actually that would probably hurt.

We soon discovered the joys of throwing bread at them and seeing how many we could bonk on the head. I was beating Lenny by a mile, seeing as he threw like a girl and everything. I hit 14 and he only got 4. What a loser! I did take the mick a bit too much though, cos then he got so mad he tipped the rest of the bread from his packet on my head. I was well crumbed (today's new word!). So obviously I got him back by pushing him over and rubbing all my bread in his face.
A big Canadian goose saw all this bread on Lenny and immediately sat on his head and started eating it! And when all the other ducks and geese saw this they too quickly pounced on Lenny (who was lying there in shock, the weirdo) and they all pecked away!! He had about 20 birds stood on him at one point eating bread and quacking away as if it was the first bread they'd ever seen. Very excitable are ducks and geese.
And boy were they pooing on him too! Hahaha! Ducks are always pooing and the last thing you want is a whole bunch of 'em sitting on your head, cos they're just going to poo on it. Which they did.

Poor old Lenny, he was in a right mess. He weren't particularly happy neither. But I had a brilliant laugh and my ribs were well aching! So I didn't really care, I was alright.

We didn't go to the cemetary seeing as he was in such a bad mood (and it's been raining). Hopefully we'll go tomorrow, cos there's definitely meant to be ghosts there! I don't believe in ghosts, so it shouldn't be that scary really. Might be quite a nice trip out I reckon!

Ain't summer holidays boring??

2006-08-10T21:38:00.000Z

I don't know about you, but summer holidays are BOOOORRIING!!!
Everyone is just aimlessly wandering around wondering what to do with themselves.

Cecil has gone on a "White Water Rafting" trip to Romford, so hopefully he's having a better time than the rest of us.
Me and Lenny did consider camping for the weekend, maybe sit in a field somewhere and look at the trees drinking cups of tea, but then we realised that's what we do every day anyway!

We didn't enjoy the heatwave either. Apparently it was the hottest July since dinosaurs ruled the Earth or something. How they know about things like that I never know.

Well the plan is for me and Lenny to go and feed the ducks tomorrow, so that should be a laugh. The ducks are a bit fussy round 'ere, so only posh bread from Marks And Spencers will do.
Then at the weekend we're going to stay up all night in a graveyard. Should be fun.
I'll keep you posted....

Apparently I smell.

2006-07-05T22:58:00.000Z

Lenny told me today that I have B.O.. I had no idea what he meant. Did he mean Bionic Oatflakes? Brilliant Opal (eyes)? Brown Oranges? (That last one doesn't even make sense).
NO!!! He meant I smelt BAD!

What an absolute cheek. I smell lovely. Even Cecil remarked on how keenly I smelt the other day. I'm sure it was meant as a compliment. So the whole farm clubbed together and bought me a can of deoderant; "Eu de Barn Door" it was called. Lenny says that not only will I smell great, I'll also get myself a girlfriend. Like as if that's a good thing. Girlfriends are for idiots; it's a scientific fact - I saw it on Channel Four News.
Anyway, to keep everyone happy, I sprayed some (well all) the stuff under me armpits and behind my ears and now I smell like a rosy barn door! I've not had any women throwing themselves at me though, unless you count wasps and blue-bottles (you'd think I was a big bottle of jam or something the way they're all carrying on).

Now I can't sleep as I stink of perfume and whenever I do dose off all I dream about is Lenny dressed as Charlotte Church chasing me down the street. And that ain't a good thing.

What an epic adventure!

2006-06-19T17:44:00.000Z

I hope you've all been enjoying my great weekly adventure! I have to say it feels rather special being in the Beano every week as opposed to every now and then. Next week is the last episode, so be sure to email the Beano ed and tell him how much you love me, or vote for me on their online poll. Or both!

Lenny kicked me up the bum the other day and said I've been an idiot and neglected this lovely blog. I can't help it if I've been jet-setting around the world! Opening sweetshops! It's a tough life. Bert worm says he'd be more than happy to write instead of me when I'm away, so I'm thinking about it...

Can worm's type??

In other news:
Fans of all things Derek the Sheep can read a great interview with Gary Northfield in this month's brilliant children's magazine Aquila! Aquila is a subscription only magazine for children, but this month's issue is available to download if you send in your email. Many thanks to Sue Wilkes (AKA Fat Tony) for conducting an amazingly groovy interview and to the Aquila team for allowing such an ugly mug to grace their pages!

A Lovely Poem

2006-06-04T22:17:00.000Z

Well I hope you're all enjoying my brilliant weekly adventure! Episode 3 is a real cliffhanger ain't it? Sorry I've been away from my site, but blogging ain't so easy to keep up when you start getting as world famous as me!!

I had this brilliant poem from Fat Tony after episode one, who is finding it all terribly exciting -

Poor Derek Sheep fell in the loo
Now he's going to the zoo!
Will he end up in a cage
With a tiger in a rage?
Or will he be
A hippo's pet?
This tale could be
The best one yet!

Cheers FT. Last time I looked FT had turned into a budgie which is quite a laugh! So keep checking out his mad blog.
I've been getting a fair bit of fan art on my messageboard recently, so I'll be posting them all this week (along with another piece).

And thanks to all you loyal Derek fans who have been voting for me on the Official Beanotown readers poll - I'm second only to Dennis himself!!

Rocking!!!

I'M BACK!!!!

2006-05-17T00:28:00.000Z

Well, did you miss me??
We all had a bit of a rest after two long years of continuous Beano stories and now I'm back with a BANG!

Not only am I back with an amazing hilarious two page story, but it's the first part of a Six Part Weekly Extravaganza!!!!

You lucky people! So get out there and buy it and if you love it, then don't forget to vote on the online Beano poll!

Adios!!

Stinky pile of mess.....

2006-04-17T23:33:00.000Z

Well, Lenny left the turnip out in the sun too long showing it off to his mates and now it's gone all mouldy and smelly, not unlike Lenny!!!
So much for making any money out of it, I reckon we'll have to pay someone to take it away, so really we've lost a lot of cash if that happens.

Did I mention Bert Worm won Worm Idol? He's released his new record "I'm a Worm and You'd Better Get Used To It" and it went straight to the top of the worm Hit Parade, knocking off Wendy Worm and Her Orchestra with "Who Let The Worms Out?". That's a terrible song by the way. All of Wendy Worm's songs are rubbish if you ask me, but Bert has a lot of respect for her he reckons. A match made in Heaven there if you ask me.

Big Turnips 'R' Us!

2006-04-07T21:50:00.000Z

Me and the gang have been very busy growing turnips. Check out this beauty!

most of 'em only grew to the size of eggs or small eyeballs, but this one is the size of a HOUSE!!!
don't ask me how though. Lenny said we used very special manure, something about bee poo. Do bees poo? I've never seen one I must say. I'll ask Cecil when I see him, I'm sure he'll be pleased to pass on his knowledge.

That's got to take alot of bee poo though if you ask me. Must be eating a lot of roughage them bees. How do you spell "roughage"??? That don't look right at all.

Anyway, I reckon we'll be millionaires if they all grow to that size! We would dominate the world market in turnips. We'd have turnip soup, turnip sauce, turnip pudding, turnip pie, turnip sandwiches, er... turnip soup. The possibilities are endless!
No one could ever grow turnips like us!! No one!!

Unless they have bee poo too I guess.

Bernard gets the boot

2006-03-16T23:32:00.000Z

Well, we all said it wouldn't last. No one likes smelly goats and the last thing you want is one serving you chips in a chip shop. Goats eat old underpants and that's all they're good for.
He finally got the boot from his chip shop job: his beard got caught in the till apparently. He was stuck there for two hours, Dave goose says, and they had to shave it off too! Bernard's gone into hiding and says he won't come out until his beard's grown back.
Let's hope it takes forever! Or it grows upside down or something.

You know, that Dave goose seems to knows everything. It was Dave who knew about Dennis the cow getting in trouble for watching Farmer Jack's TV while he was out. Watching Crufts apparently. Dennis was always a bit soft.

For some reason though, Dave don't like me. I don't know why, I always say hello; "Morning Dave!" I say politely; then he always kicks me up the bum.
Lenny reckons it's because his name's not Dave and that his name is really Ernie.
I'm sure it was Lenny who told me his name was Dave, but he denies all knowledge.

Well, to me he's Dave Goose and I ain't changing it for no one!

Ya hear me? No one!!

Hello?

Aren't chips brilliant?

2006-03-02T00:27:00.000Z

Gosh I love chips. Ever since that chip shop opened next door it's all I've eaten really. Me and everyone else. I always get a bread roll too, 'cos you can't beat a good chip butty. Mmmmm..
The big minus is that you've got to look at that hairy lump Bernard the goat, who's been promoted from "peeling chips" to "shaking chips in fat fryer".

He also greets you with, "Good morning sir, how may I help you this wonderful morning?".
Get yer great ugly mug out of my eyes would be a starter!!!

He even wears one of them MacDonald hats that look like a paper boat and he looks like a right berk in it I can tell you. He's loaded with money too. He's been buying all the latest DVD's including "Wallace and Gromit" and "When Good Goats Go Bad".
He's really been flashing the cash and all the ladies seem to be really impressed. Delia duck's even been seen wearing a very posh roller neck jumper and we all know who paid for THAT! Them two are made for each other anyway; not only is she really boring and eats underpants, but she's also got a flippin' beard!!!
And that ain't right on a duck.

Zit!!!!!

2006-02-21T00:16:00.000Z

Cor I've got myself a right big zit on the end of my nose! Lenny reckons I look like Rudolph the red nose reindeer all over again.
It must be all those chips I've been eating recently. A great new chip shop opened up next door to the farm and we've all been tucking in at lunchtime.
The bloke who runs it is Greek and his name is Alfred. Is Alfred a Greek name? Don't sound like it to me. Although, there was an Alfred the Great once, and an Alexander the Great, and he was Greek, so maybe they were related or something. Maybe they lived in Great Yarmouth too, that would make sense.
Bernard the goat has got himself a part time job in the chip shop "peeling chips" he says. That must be a bit fiddly, even for a goat. Next week Alfred's going to let him fry the chips, so that should be a thrill.

In other news, Bert Worm is through to the finals of "Worm Idol"! We're all very pleased for him and will be watching him sing next Saturday on ITV Worm (cable T.V. only). He's singing "I'm going Underground" by the Jam.
Never heard of 'em. Give me the Hectic Monkies anytime.

New message board!

2006-02-05T15:15:00.000Z

As a bit of a laugh, I've set up a message board, just so you can discuss me, the Beano, sausages, how stupid goats are..anything!
Here it is... http://derekthesheep.proboards51.com/

As always these things are a bit experimental with me, but the shoutbox/saybox malarky seems to be very popular, so let's hope this is too! I've never run a messageboard before, so it should be a bit weird to start off.

So drop in, join up and enjoy a good chat with me and my friends!

Strangest story yet hits newsstands!!

2006-02-01T22:26:00.000Z

My great new story in this week's Beano is particularly strange. Lenny and Nobby find a pixie in a bottle and it ain't everyday that sort of thing happens (well not round 'ere anyway). Anyhows, the pixie promises us a free bottle of everlasting cola if we get him out, which is the most brilliant thing I've heard of.

It's a bit nuts, but don't worry, things get back to normal with my next story.

Sort of....

Enjoy!!

Nobby in "Not Hibernating" shock!

2006-01-22T23:00:00.000Z

Hello!
Lenny was reading his Sunday newspaper this morning, what with all it's different sections; news, TV guide, sport, posh glossy magazine, DVD of a really old film no-one's heard of, er.. media, whatever that is, more sport, fashion, last week's news in case you missed it, sudoku special, free "celebrity knees" photo special, etc etc (that was only half of it! Nearly a tree's worth of paper in there I reckon). ANYWAY, in the Holiday section, he was reading about how people with lots of money go away to hot countries over Christmas, which is very sensible I'd say, and he was looking at the lovely photo of people bathing on the beach, when suddenly he realised he recognised one of the faces lapping up all the sunshine!!
Take a look yourself...towards the bottom left on the green and yellow stripey towel, the little hedgehog, who looked suspiciously like NOBBY!

So, being the curious types we had a sneaky look under the hedge where we left him a couple of months ago to see if he was still tucked away in his little bed...

Well, what a flippin' surprise! Under the the little duvet wasn't Nobby snoring away, but his pillow which he'd covered up to make it look like it was him under there.
Unbelievable! There's us all thinking he's snuggled up all cosy escaping the chilly winter, when in fact he's sneaked off to Tenerife for a couple of months without telling us! We're all freezing our ears off and he's drinking cocktails in the boiling sunshine. Cor, just you wait till I see him, the cheeky beggar.

What I want to know is, how can he afford such an expensive trip? He's only a little hedgehog, and he's always borrowing 50p off me!

Flippin' eck it's a rotten January...

2006-01-09T23:16:00.000Z

Well, I don't know about you lot, but we've all felt so dreary and depressed after Christmas. I've had some lovely Christmas presents though, so that sort of helped. Lenny bought me a poster of my favourite sugababe Mutya, but then she went and left, which sort of ruined it all really. He also bought me their latest single "Ugly", and he said it was a very appropriate present, whatever that means.

Cecil got me a King Kong jumper which his mum knitted for me, it has the words "I love King Kong, he's brilliant!" written under a strange knitted depiction of Kong thumping a T-Rex. King Kong rocked didn't it?! wow what a film. I felt really dizzy though coming out of the cinema after all that flying about around the Empire State Building. Lenny was crying seeing as he's a big girly turnip. He says he wasn't, but he definitely was. He even cried out "Noooo!" when Kong fell off and died. We all had a great laugh at that! Not kong dying, Lenny blubbering.

I bought everyone signed Beano Annuals and they were really pleased and I don't think anyone has relented and sold their copy on Ebay yet!

So the sky is grey, the grass is a bit damp, it's flippin' cold and we're depressed...
Bert worm is entering this year's "Worm Factor" as he has a great singing voice, so that should be a laugh. His audition song is, "What's a worm got to do with it?".
No, I've never heard of it neither. We're all going along to give him support. I'm hoping to meet Kate Wormton, she's lovely and lights up the telly whenever she's on it....

Merry Christmas readers!

2005-12-22T10:38:00.000Z

Have a great Christmas readers and don't forget to pick up this week's Christmas edition of the Beano with my jolly little two-pager!
See you in the New Year!!!

Blimey eck.

2005-12-14T20:42:00.000Z

Did you see this week's Derek's Corner in the Beano? I've pretty much taken over the letters page with lovely drawings of me. Didn't that cake look brilliant too?
The Beano ed has been telling me for a few weeks now how brilliant I am and how popular I'm getting with the readers. He's also been nagging me to go on more crazy adventures more frequently to quell the demand, as once a month just ain't enough for my loyal fans! In fact, if I don't pull my finger out, he's likely to come round and zap me with a cattle-prod to spur me into action.
So keep an eye out in the New Year sometime for a big mad serialised adventure which will blow the rest of the comic away!!
Trust me; it'll be nuttier than a bag full of nut flavoured monkeys, eating er.. nuts. Which in itself is a bit nuts.

Ta-ra Nobby.

2005-12-13T00:51:00.000Z

Well Nobby finally said his goodbyes and toddled off to hibernate. It's all a bit sad really as he's a great laugh to have around and we're all going to miss him. He's got his playstation, complete works of Hellboy and a flask of hot cocoa, so I think he'll be happy. He's kipping under one of our hedges until about February then he'll be all wide awake and demanding ice-cream and ignoring Bert the Worm as per usual.

I'm glad Nobby don't eat worms as Bert is a good laugh too. Bert's impression of Harry Hill is a joy to behold. Bert's staying with us for Christmas as his mum has gone on holiday to Tenerife with her pals and Bert don't like flying. He was snapped up by a blackbird once, but fortunately he got dropped (I think the blackbird saw a fatter worm, either that or Bert tasted funny), but I think it's left Bert mentally scarred.

By the way, did you notice this blog is one year old round about now?! Cor, don't alot happen in one year? It seemed like only yesterday it was only two weeks till Christmas.

Christmas 2004 that is.

Say Box!!!

2005-12-05T23:57:00.000Z

Panic over! I've found a new one called Say Box which lets me ban all nasties that come my way. Hooray! Now if only blogger was working properly, I could see if it's working or not...

Shoutbox shouts last shout...

2005-12-05T00:59:00.000Z

Unfortunately, due to er.. technical difficulties, I've taken the shoutbox off. Oh well. I did love my shoutbox, and it proved very popular with friends and fans alike, but it became a bit of a burden having to check it every 5 minutes in case spam etc. turned up, and I'm a busy sheep!!

When a spare hour or so in my diary turns up, I'll figure out a proper messageboard for you all to continue our chin-wags. Whatever they are!

Another brilliant piece of fan art!

2005-11-28T22:05:00.000Z

Sheldon Goodman (owner of Gertie the fish) has drawn this splendid picture of me losing in a "drink a pint of cola" battle with blog regulars Gertie and Fat Tony. I say splendid, but obviously it's a bit gross, but brilliantly drawn! And coloured!

I would print it out and put it on my wall, but it's a picture of snot flying out of my nostrils and i wouldn't want to frighten my granny.

The perfect Christmas album

2005-11-27T14:06:00.000Z

We're trying to decide which christmas album to buy for when we put up the christmas tree.
I'm a bit partial to lovely Church choir type of things, whereas Cecil seems to favour The Chipmunks squeeky voice nonsense. Well, they do actually sound a bit like Cecil, so it's understandable.
But we're all a bit worried about Lenny. He's getting quite hot under the collar and insists we get David Hasselhoff's "The Night Before Christmas", which is frankly frightening. Although, it's worth getting just to admire that amazing golden, sprawling signature that's splattered all over the cover!

Any other recommendations?

Big Cecil!

2005-11-23T23:24:00.000Z

Check out this cool pic sent in by Menaceman!!

I don't ever remember Cecil being that big, but it must've happened 'cos there it is in full glorious colour!
Nice one Menaceman, if we ever need an artist to take over when the usual one goes on another holiday to Papua New Guinea, we know who to ask!

My classical recommendations

2005-11-22T23:26:00.000Z

I've decided to listen to classical music to improve my intelligence and further my standing amongst my fellow farmyard colleagues. See, it's working already, check out all the long words I'm using.

I'm borrowing classical cd's from the local library bus, and this week I've decided to listen to Mozart, mainly because his first name is "Wolfgang" which is brilliant. Imagine being named after a horde of savage animals? To get in the mood, I'm calling myself "vulturevillains", which probably isn't as posh sounding as Wolfgang, but it's very similar in style.

First I listened to "FigRoll" which is an opera. I'm not sure what what it was all about as there was alot of yodelling and screeching like cats. After the first five minutes, I fell asleep and had the most amazing dream I was being chased by a large melon. Whether that had anything to do with Mozart, I wouldn't know.
Then I listened to Symphony no 41, also called "Jupiter". I love planets as you all know, so I was well looking forward to this one. Unfortunately I completely missed this one too as Neighbours was on, and I'm still in shock at the return of Joe Mangel.
I'm sure it was brilliant though and recommend it to all my readers. Not Neighbours, Mozart's 41st Symphony.

I was going to listen to one of his other symphonies, but it was called "unfinished", so I thought, well, if he can't be bothered to finish it, I ain't gonna bother to start it. So I threw it over the hedge and let's hope it landed in a cowpat.

Next week, Beethoven.

Fog

2005-11-22T12:02:00.000Z

Bit foggy last night. Ended up in a cowshed. And then in a cowpat.

Christmas is coming!!!

2005-11-21T21:21:00.000Z

...And it's about time you all started thinking about buying Christmas cards for all your chums!
Well check out this beauty....

It's about 14cm wide and 10cm tall, and it's a particularly unflattering picture Bernard took of me last year and reckoned it would make a brilliant Christmas card. And seeing as everyone round 'ere seems to agree, we've decided to set up business with that bloke who sells them lovely T-shirts of me, and flog 'em for 80p each or 5 for £3.20 (postage free! We're so generous). I think that works out a bit cheaper, but I'm not sure.

Here it is in close up!

If you want any, then just write out a cheque or postal order to Gary Northfield and send to the usual address of:

Gary Northfield
Agent to Derek the Sheep Esq.
5 Cromwell Road
London
SW7 2HR

And we'll post 'em to you as quick as a flash!

And what about the conkers you ask? Well, it all ended rather horribly I have to say. It was me and Baz in the final (why always him?) and there he was telling me how he was going to smash my conker to a pulp and he gave his great monster a big swing... I was too frightened to look and hid me face. There was an almight SQUISH as his conker exploded into a big yellow splat!! We were all covered in egg, although Baz copped most of it, as he'd missed my conker and smacked himself in the chops.

Turns out Cecil's cousin George has suspected Baz was upto no good and had gotten Mad Nigel to confess all by giving him one of them new Cadbury Turkish Delights (they are lovely, but if I eat more than three in one go, I tend to go a bit loopy and run around the field frothing at the mouth. Where's the "delight" in that?)
Anyway, it seems Baz had been using a painted hard boiled egg for a conker, like a really old one that had been in the oven for twenty years or something. So George just swapped it for fresh one, painted up exactly like the real thing. It was too simple really, a bit like Baz! Hahahaha.

So I won, but it was an empty win as I didn't really do anything. I'm sticking to Top Trumps, it's far less stupid than conkers.
When are they gonna bring out a top trumps of me? THAT'S what I want to know.

George smashed!

2005-11-14T00:36:00.000Z

The conker competition has taken a very unexpected turn. We had to postpone it last week due to my Beano/fame commitments, i.e. I had to open a new pet shop in Swindon and then I had to go on a fun run to raise money for dyslexic hedgehogs.
Crumbs I hate running. Running's for fools who enjoy pain. And I was surrounded by 'em. Well I was for about 2 minutes at the beginning then I sort of got left behind.
But it was for a good cause and we had alot of happy hedgehogs everywhere, eating ice creams mainly. You know, I've never actually seen a hedgehog eat a worm. Bert worm says he's only ever had good times with hedgehogs and never had the occasion to run for his life from one. So I reckon it's one of them "Urban Mists" or whatever.

Anyway! Conkers!!
I'm still beating all those who dare come near me with my King Kong-ker (do you see what I did there? I'm not calling it Big Bertha anymore as that's a girls name. It's now "King Kong-ker". You're allowed to copy me and call your conkers the same.)

Big Baz destroyed Lenny as expected. Somehow Lenny turned up with a conker more like a big raisin, which was no use to man nor beast. He said he soaked it in vinegar to make it go hard, but it just made it go soggy. Bit like his brain.

The big shock was the defeat of Cecil's cousin George. George loves competitions as many of you will remember. And when it comes to conkers George is the bee to beat all-comers. He's the South yorkshire Conker reigning champion and no one has beat him. But it took one thwack from Big Baz's "Little Baz" and it was smashed to smithereens!!

George was so upset, he didn't speak to no-one. He took the train home and ain't been heard of since. Cecil said his mobile was switched off too.

George is normally a fair player as well, and he ain't never a sore loser ever. What upset him was the fact that his conker was recently declared the Toughest Conker in Britain by the "Guiness Book Of Records". So how comes it was smashed to billions of little pieces??

Seeing as Big Baz was involved, you KNOW that foul play is just around the corner.

We're watching you Big Baz...

Bazzer the basher

2005-11-05T00:23:00.000Z

Big Baz has been doing pretty well with his own conker this week. He calls it "Little Baz", which is mildly stupid.
He smashed up Herman Chicken's conker to smithereens. Herman was very upset and cried.
Baz just laughed of course. He then broke in half Des Duck's lucky conker his dad gave him when he was born. Baz actually put it in his mouth and cracked it with his teeth. We all shouted it was cheating, so Baz apologised and gave Des his conker back, what was left of it, and said, "lets play properly then!". Of course you can't play conkers with two smashed up halves, so Des was not a happy duck I can tell you.
Then he was up against Cecil, but he accidently bashed Cecil on the head, saying that Cecil looked a bit like a conker really. I'll have to agree with Baz there, Cecil is very conker-like and really ought not to have gotten involved.

So, he's up against Lenny tomorrow. That should be a laugh. Lenny's only just moved on from playing tiddly winks and wouldn't know how to lob a conker if it hit him in his face. Whatever that means.
Good luck Lenny! Not.

The world's first Derek The Sheep T-Shirt!!!

2005-11-02T21:42:00.000Z

Well, if it isn't the greatest t-shirt in the whole world! And you can buy it now!!

This splendid garment will tell the world what a refined taste in hilarious comic-strips you have and you will be the centre of attention at any party! Not only that, but the azure blue greatly enhances the good looks of all those fortunate enough to wear it.
Check out this dude!

This snazzy piece will set you back the very small price of £12 + £2 postage.

Available in the children sizes YS (i.e.Young Small), YM, YL and the adult sizes S, M, L, XL.
We only have a limited supply at the moment and delivery will be anything upto 3 weeks depending on stock levels, so get those orders in fast!

Payment can be by cheque or postal order. Please make payable to:
Gary Northfield.

Address all orders to:

Gary Northfield
5 Cromwell Road
London
SW7 2HR

(Hopefully, once I've figured it out, I'll also be able to take PayPal payments, but that won't be for a little while yet.)

And of course, don't forget to rush out and buy this week's Beano, my greatest story EVER is in there! Really, it's brilliant.

Big thanks to Thomas Fry and his mum Rebecca Fry for delivering a such fantastic photo!

Derek the Conkererer!

2005-10-30T23:27:00.000Z

Well, it's conker season as you all well know, and we all love competitions round here and we're having a BIG conker "Conk-Out" all this week.
Of course I'm the best at conkers in the entire world and I was interviewed on local TV once for being so great.
In fact I still have the same conker from all those years ago and it's called Big Bertha, after my Auntie Bertha who sort of looked like a conker actually. It's never let me down and I've smashed up a total of 92 conkers, 28 acorns, 16 old baked beans and some eggs.

I am the Champ!!!

So bring it on!

Bert Worm admires "Big Bertha".

Banana spider madness!!!

2005-10-17T22:04:00.000Z

I bought some bananas today. I love bananas me and so does everyone else. Except, when I peeled mine open a mad spider jumped out!!! Flippin' flip it made me jump. We were all a bit scared to begin with, as you hear all these mad stories where they bite you and your legs fall off, or something.
But just as we were just about to splat him with a slipper (Bernard wears slippers!! Hahaha!!), he pulled out a little banjo and played a lovely little tune about a jolly trip up the Amazon river. Must be where they have the factory with all them books.

Boy what a laugh he turned out to be! He got us all dancing the samba and everything. He's right keen on that banjo mind; he can out-fret Liberty X any day.
He then showed us how to cook fajitas on the barbeque. They were sizzling.

To be honest, we didn't have a clue what he was whittering on about in his funny little language. He tried to tell us what his name is, but we all ended up with sore throats, so we decided to call him "Senor Banana".
And he seemed to like that!

Tee Shirts

2005-10-15T10:52:00.000Z

I've decided, seeing as it's winter and everything, now's the time to make some T-shirts! Well they always put the heating right up in the barn, so I wear t-shirts more in the winter than the summer anyway.
Here's a sneak preview, what do you think? It won't be available for a couple of weeks yet, but I thought I 'd tease you a bit.

Drumroll please.....

2005-10-14T18:26:00.000Z

We have our two lucky Beano Annual winners!

It was a very tough quiz, as you all quite helpfully told me, and it's pretty obvious many of you had missed some of my earlier, legendary adventures. Quite a surprising high amount of entrants got half the answers correctly, but we had one clever reader who answered nearly two thirds of the questions correctly and one amazingly devoted Derek fan who only got one answer wrong!
And so..
The runner-up, with 9 glorious points....

Alistair Stuart! AKA Menaceman. Well done Alistair! I think you had a feeling you were pretty close, we could hear your nail-biting from here!

And the winner, with a stupendous 14 correct answers! 14!

........

********JON SOUTH, from Berkshire!!!!!!*********

Many congratulations to both Jon and Alistair, worthy winners I think you'll agree, considering how stupidly difficult I made the questions...

A signed Beano 2006 will be darkening your doors very soon.

Thank you to all those who took part! It was fun (sort of), but fear not, the next competition coming up very soon will be EASY PEASY!!
So here are the correct answers:

Question 1
In my very first adventure, what was guarding the bridge stopping everyone getting to the other side?

b) A fire-breathing troll

Question 2
In the story "Field of Dreams" (issue 3227 may 22nd 2004), me and my mate Lizzie escape from Farmer Jack on a tractor. Why was he chasing us?

c) We'd eaten his prize apples

Question 3
In "Getting the wind up" (issue 3231 June 19th 2004), I had a fight with a stupid squirrel. What was he trying to watch on the T.V.?

d) Britney Spear's latest video

Question 4
I had a lovely snowy story in "No Business like snow business" back in December 2004 (issue 3256), but what did me and the gang use for a sledge?

b) The barn door

Question 5
I had a load of flies hanging around my backside getting on my nerves in issue 3236, July 24th 2004. What did I use as a long tail to give 'em a good whacking?

d) a bullrush

Question 6
Cecil and his stupid cousin George completely ruined my chances of winning "Best Farmyard Haircut 2005" in "Bad Hair Day" (iss. 3262, Jan 22 2005), but George loved competitions; what did he win just the week before?

c) A bubblegum blowing contest

Question 7
Who turned up for the first time in issue 3252 November 13th 2004, desperate to be my friend, but ending up getting me in big trouble?

b) Cecil

Question 8
In "It's an Ill Wind", (3240 August 2004), I somehow got loads of crisps stuck in my eyes; what did Lenny throw in my face to wash them out with?

a) Baked beans

Question 9
We came face to face with a stupid leprechaun in issue 3245 (sept 25th 2004), but he wasn't actually from Ireland! Where was he from?

c) Barnsley

Question 10
Farmer Jack made us all wear annoying bells round our necks in issue 3266 (Feb 19th 2005). What was the punishment if we took them off?

a) Wash all 28 of his dirty tractors

Question 11
In issue 3270 (Mar 19th 2005) we had a great game of football, but who didn't like being a goalpost and walked off in a sulk?

c) Kevin the rabbit

Question 12
In last years Christmas issue all us sheep were auditioning for a part in the nativity play. What was Lenny's act that left the judges unimpressed?

c) Juggling eggs

Question 13
I had a painful bunion on my foot in issue 3274 (April 16th 2005). Cecil had a new birthday present which really got on my nerves; what was it?

b) A guitar

Question 14
I was unhappy at being mistaken for Lenny in issue 3286 (July 9th 2005), what did Cecil dress me up as to make me look different?

d) A Mongolian Hairy Moose

Question 15
Last month, issue 3290, we met Big Baz for the first time, but who knocked all his teeth out?

a) Doris, Cecil's sister

And the winner is...

2005-10-11T19:26:00.000Z

Ooh. I'm not saying.

I'll tell you Friday! Hahaha!

Here's a picture of me as Super Derek, from prolific Derek scribbler Menaceman while you bite yer nails...

I'm back!!

2005-10-08T20:47:00.000Z

Hello! Apologies for the very quiet blog the last week or so; me 'n' the lads have been on holiday!
I took Lenny, Cecil and Nobby to visit my lovely relatives in Wales and boy what a grand time we had! Cecil made friends with everybody (as usual), even my Uncle Jack, the hairiest sheep in Wales, and Jack don't like bees normally. But they were the bestest of mates by the time we had to leave and it was a very tearful farewell and Jack even gave Cecil a fiver to buy some sweets (Jack's never given ME a fiver before!).

Lenny made friends with all my mum's pals in the tea shop, gossipping about the local goings on; apparently the peas served with the carvery at the Red Lion are tinned peas, Can you believe it?
I know, it don't mean nothing to me neither, but they were all in a tizz about it nonetheless. I quite like tinned peas myself.
I also think Lenny's put on two stone from all the tea and cake he's been shovelling down his gob too, but he disagreed obviously, until he put on his dancing trousers and they ripped RIGHT up his backside!!! What a fat blob!

Nobby played with my cousin Benny most of the week. Benny is just a little lamb and is probably about the same age as Nobby and a right couple of scamps they were too.
They played football most of the time and pretty much destroyed Uncle Jack's prize petunias and broadbean plant things. He weren't too pleased and I think it's safe to say that Nobby didn't get no fiver to buy a bag of sweets!

And me? I just just sat on the sofa watching DVDs. It was bliss!
It was bliss considering the amount of work I've got coming up in the next few weeks.

And I thought a monthly comicstrip was hard work...

Anyway, here's a great picture of me as a brilliant ninja, as sent in by regular blog reader The Thing! (Ain't he in the Fantastic Four?)

Cheers Thing. There's a sketch winging it's way to you next week. (All drawings receive a free sketch of me to put on your mantlepiece!)

Quiz time!! Big prizes!!!

2005-09-14T22:04:00.000Z

Oh yes! As promised here is a fantastic quiz to test the knowledge of even the most hardened Derek the Sheep fan!

Up for grabs is not one, but two Beano 2006 Annuals signed by me (Derek), Cecil, Lenny, Nobby, Bernard and some bloke called Gary Northfield (I think he clears out the manure or something, no one seems to know).

So, two lucky people will be running away with this highly sought-after treasure, purely by knowing what I've been upto in the Beano the last 18 months or so.

It's a multiple-choice quiz to give you a vague chance, just in case you might have missed the odd issue, we are kindly folk after all. If by any chance there's a draw with three or more people getting the highest correct answers, then all winning names will be put into a hat, under strict supervision by an independant adjudicator (Trevor Duck has volunteered. He's got a moustache and we decided he looked the most important), and the winners names will be pulled out of the hat thereof. We'll show photos of the hat-picking to prove we weren't cheating! Runners-up in a tie will get a sketch anyway to make up for any disappointment and to stop yer blubbering.
All decisions are final.

All entries must be emailed to me at dereksheep@yahoo.co.uk by Sunday October 9th 2005 midnight BST. And no putting it on ebay the next day! This amazing prize will be something to show off to your grandchildren in one hundred years time, when you're living on the moon or something.

here goes!

Good luck!!

Question 1
In my very first adventure, what was guarding the bridge stopping everyone getting to the other side?

a) A smelly tractor
b) A fire-breathing troll
c) A very angry bull
d) a nasty big wasp

Question 2
In the story "Field of Dreams" (issue 3227 may 22nd 2004), me and my mate Lizzie escape from Farmer Jack on a tractor. Why was he chasing us?

a) We'd blown up his favourite shed
b) We'd eaten his underpants
c) We'd eaten his prize apples
d) He wanted to sell us for magic beans

Question 3
In "Getting the wind up" (issue 3231 June 19th 2004), I had a fight with a stupid squirrel. What was he trying to watch on the T.V.?

a) Wildlife On One
b) Blue Peter
c) Can't Cook, Won't Cook
d) Britney Spear's latest video

Question 4
I had a lovely snowy story in "No Business like snow business" back in December 2004 (issue 3256), but what did me and the gang use for a sledge?

a) A big fat cow
b) The barn door
c) Lots of cowpats tied together
d) An old boat

Question 5
I had a load of flies hanging around my backside getting on my nerves in issue 3236, July 24th 2004. What did I use as a long tail to give 'em a good whacking?

a) A broom
b) A welly
c) Some old rope
d) a bullrush

Question 6
Cecil and his stupid cousin George completely ruined my chances of winning "Best Farmyard Haircut 2005" in "Bad Hair Day" (iss. 3262, Jan 22 2005), but George loved competitions; what did he win just the week before?

a) Essex County champion spelling bee
b) Loveliest Legs, Margate
c) A bubblegum blowing contest
d) Hotdog eating championship

Question 7
Who turned up for the first time in issue 3252 November 13th 2004, desperate to be my friend, but ending up getting me in big trouble?

a) Lenny
b) Cecil
c) Nobby
d) Bernard

Question 8
In "It's an Ill Wind", (3240 August 2004), I somehow got loads of crisps stuck in my eyes; what did Lenny throw in my face to wash them out with?

a) Baked beans
b) Washing up liquid
c) A cup of tea
d) Sheep dip

Question 9
We came face to face with a stupid leprechaun in issue 3245 (sept 25th 2004), but he wasn't actually from Ireland! Where was he from?

a) Luton Airport
b) Romford, Essex
c) Barnsley
d) Loch Ness

Question 10
Farmer Jack made us all wear annoying bells round our necks in issue 3266 (Feb 19th 2005). What was the punishment if we took them off?

a) Wash all 28 of his dirty tractors
b) Milk the cows with our bare hands
c) Cross country running in the pouring rain
d) Wash his dirty underwear

Question 11
In issue 3270 (Mar 19th 2005) we had a great game of football, but who didn't like being a goalpost and walked off in a sulk?

a) Lenny
b) Ernie the horse
c) Kevin the rabbit
d) Nobby the hedgehog

Question 12
In last years Christmas issue all us sheep were auditioning for a part in the nativity play. What was Lenny's act that left the judges unimpressed?

a) Cowpat spinning
b) Doing his Britney Spears dance
c) Juggling eggs
d) Jumping through fiery hoops. Backwards. On a motorbike.

Question 13
I had a painful bunion on my foot in issue 3274 (April 16th 2005). Cecil had a new birthday present which really got on my nerves; what was it?

a) A trumpet
b) A guitar
c) Karaoke machine
d) A singing fish

Question 14
I was unhappy at being mistaken for Lenny in issue 3286 (July 9th 2005), what did Cecil dress me up as to make me look different?

a) An Outer Hebrides Yeti
b) A Hungarian Big Eared Llama
c) A Chinese Night Wombat
d) A Mongolian Hairy Moose

Question 15
Last month, issue 3290, we met Big Baz for the first time, but who knocked all his teeth out?

a) Doris, Cecil's sister
b) Eric the really big horse
c) Nutty Nigel
d) Farmer Jack

And that's it!! Just write your answers like this "Q1 - A" or something. you don't have rewrite the whole questions.

good luck!

Gammy leg

2005-09-13T22:06:00.000Z

As some of my chums already know, I hurt my hoof playing football last week. it was a cracking tackle and had I not been stretchered off, I would certainly have been "Sheep of the Match". Instead Mad Nigel won that particular prize for scoring what can only be described as a "bum goal" as the ball bounced off his behind when he was standing talking to Lenny about the power of his "magic eyeballs" (apparently he can make traffic lights turn green if he stares long enough at them. Very useful).

Anyway, I'm currently a completely grumpy git (see my bunion story from a few months ago for a strangely similar situation). I also attempted to upload the Beano Annual 2006 quiz with big long complicated questions based on lovely old me, but then my computer crashed and all was lost. I then took the computer and threw it out of the window. Which was a bit stupid, as I then had to buy another one from Bernard "dodgy geezer" the goat. Lenny wasn't happy either, as he was bidding on a pair of maracas on ebay yesterday and he unfortunately lost the auction in the end by 50p.
Ha ha ha.

So the quiz will turn up tomorrow and there will be TWO annuals up for grabs to make up for the slight delay!

Ain't I the loveliest sheep you ever met?

Hello?

Hooray!

2005-09-09T00:19:00.000Z

Another month, another lovely Beano adventure!
An absolute loony cracker of a story this month, with a tree pixie, ants in perms and the return of Bernard the goat! You'll laugh yer pants off. Lenny did.

A big thank you too to all my loyal fans who have apparently been voting for me in the latest readers poll in the Beano even though my name wasn't listed!!! How cool is that? You're all stars. in fact the Ed. was so chuffed (and he thinks my adventures are so hilarious), that there maybe changes afoot. Watch this space...

In other news, the bloke who signs his name at the bottom of each of my brilliant stories, Gary Northfield, will be putting in an appearance at the Comic Expo in Brighton on November the 19th and 20th. So if you're about then toddle along to say hello and get your free Derek the Sheep sketch! There are vague plans for Derek goodies to sell, so watch this website for further updates.

Happy days!

today I wrote a song.

2005-09-06T22:01:00.000Z

I wrote a lovely song called "Stupid Spiders, You Smell". You know when a tune gets stuck in your head and it just won't go? I was chewing the grass in the field and the rhythm of my teeth grinding got this little tune going in my head.
A stupid spider annoyed me this morning by putting a cobweb right in the doorway of the barn, which I walked straight into. He shouted at me about destroying his new home and that I was an imbecile (big word for a spider), but what does he expect building a web in such a stupid place?

So anyway, my song goes like this (think Slipknot/Girls Aloud):

Flippin' stinky spider,
You're flippin' ugly too,
Why don't you buzz off,
Or I'll flush you down the loo.

(chorus)
You think you're so clever,
You think you're really bad,
But really, you're just stinky,
And you're really, really sad.
You ain't got no flies,
And you ain't got no friends,
Spiders are so smelly,
You just drive me round the bend.

You smell of greasy onions,
you've got lots of stinky feet,
you're breath makes the hair fall out of every girl you meet.

(chorus)
You think you're so clever,
You think you're really bad,
But really, you're just stinky,
And you're really, really sad.
You ain't got no flies,
And you ain't got no friends,
Spiders are so smelly,
You just drive me round the bend!!

++++Guitar solo from Kevin rabbit++++

Stupid smelly spider,
Leave my barn and go,
Take your stinky armpits,
You're the grottiest that I know!

(chorus)
You think you're so clever,
You think you're really bad,
But really, you're just stinky,
And you're really, really sad.
You ain't got no flies,
And you ain't got no friends,
Spiders are so smelly,
You just drive me round the bend!!!

I think it's a work of genius and should be number one for Christmas.

Lenny says I'm a plank.

Guess who's just turned up on a magic carpet!

2005-09-04T22:01:00.000Z

There we all were having a lovely sunbathe on what is possibly the hottest day ever in history, when a magical rainbow appeared in the sky in a brilliant cloud of twinkling golden stardust. And through this cloud flew a beautiful blue and gold magic carpet upon which sat two mysterious figures.

We couldn't believe our eyes when the carpet landed softly on the grass next to Lenny, for there sitting as if it was just another day on the farm was Bernard the Flippin' Goat!!! And sitting next to him was that funny little Leprechaun-thingy! You know, the one who turned us all into turnips!

Unbelievable!!

You don't see something like that too often and after everything we've been through, we had to pinch ourselves to make sure we weren't dreaming. Well, I actually pinched Lenny and he screamed so loud (like a little girly, might I add) that it had to be real.

But before we could say "Flippin' eck, where've you been ya stupid goat?", the leprythingy ran over to Harold the Goat and zapped him with his magic lightning!

"What are you doing?" I shouted, "Harold's lovely, leave him alone!".

"'E ain't lovely, begorrah! He be a wickid shape-changing goblin, so he be!" Said the leprechaun.

"You still trying to do that Irish accent?" I asked, "It's rubbish. I'd give up mate".

But he was right! Harold WAS a goblin. A really ugly evil goblin and the Irish fellow had magicked him back to his real self.

"E was going to eat you lot right up! It was him, disguised as me, who turned you into turnips in the first place. I wouldn't do no such trick!
He was going to eat you all up as turnips, but was foiled when his magic faded quicker than expected. He couldn't eat Bernard as you'd hidden him well; but not from me!"

"I'd heard what had happened and came and rescued Bernard, while this 'ere goblin was masquerading as Harold the goat, working on a new plan to gobble you all up. He was worming his way into your lives and befriending you and then when you were sleeping he was going to Scoff you all!!"

Flippin' flip. The world has finally gone mad.
"Is this true, Harold?" I looked him in the eye, "Were you really going to eat us?"

The stupid goblin looked at me right back. "Too blummin' right!" He spluttered, "I was just working on a new spell to turn you all into sausages for tomorrow's breakfast. It would have been lovely! Mmm.."

"Don't you worry about him," said the leprechaun, "I'm taking him back to my castle and throwing him into a dungeon! He won't be turning anybody into sausages for a long time!"

He grabbed harold the goblin, threw him on his carpet and off they flew, over the rainbow and into the distant clouds.

All jaws were dropped.

Sausages. He was going to turn us into sausages and eat us. What a horrible goat. And to think I gave him my copy of Britney Spears Greatest Hits album. The rotter.

Well, it was nice to see Bernard restored to his old self. That leprechaun apparently took him on many amazing adventures to mysterious lands looking for the spell to put him right, but it all sounds so boring when Bernard tells a story, I fell asleep while he was still telling us about his exploits as a turnip in a box.

We gave him a big pair of pants to eat though, and he was so grateful; he hadn't eaten a pair of underpants in three months and was starting to lose his mind he reckoned.

Good old Bernard.

Buy the new Beano Annual!!

2005-09-01T20:49:00.000Z

Oh yes! I picked up my copy at the local newsagent (they were doing "buy one get one free", so I bought the Dandy Annual too), and I'm so excited as it's my first appearance in the hallowed pages of the Beano Annual. Flippin' 'eck what a cracker it is too as I come face to face with a right nasty character who don't seem to like sheep very much! And don't forget to look out for a very special feature too....

Of course, you might want to wait a bit, as next week I'm running a special "Know Your Derek the Sheep" quiz, with a signed 2006 Beano Annual up for grabs!

Get swotting!!

I am a ninja!!

2005-08-25T22:01:00.000Z

First an apology. You've probably noticed my little diary has been a bit quiet the last few weeks. Being in the Beano on a regular basis has made me pretty famous and I've become very popular on the after-dinner speech circuit. I've actually been doing a tour of sheep barns enrapturing audiences. (I learnt the word "enrapturing" the other day off a very brainy rabbit. Apparently my eyeballs are "enrapturing", and I was completely hooked thereafter. Isn't it brilliant? I'll be using it much more often from now on to impress my mates.)

Anyway, I've toured the barns of London, Hemsby, Romford, Ipswich, upper Coventry, Eccles, Padstow, Cheddar, Dairylea and Loch Ness and met many lovely sheep who thought I was funny and had great presents.

So I'm back (hooray), and I need to let you know what happened at our big meeting!!!

Basically we all decided that we weren't going to buy Bernard back as we all recounted our past experiences with him and remembered quite vividly how stupid and smelly he was. We all loved our great new goat Harold and had no wish to swap him back. So we drafted a letter to Farmer Jack saying something like "Dear Farmer Jack. We love Harold and don't want to see Bernard again even if he turns up out of nowhere, out of the blue." Des Duck wrote the letter as he had the best handwriting and he gets a bit funny if anyone else writes anything. Stupid duck.
We then had one of the best parties in living memory! I lived up to my nickname "Hot Hooves" as I shook my booty on the dance-floor. Everyone was well impressed with my depiction of The White Stripes doorbell ringing and my Beyonce bottom wobbling thing that she does. Lenny done his usual Britney number (which is getting a bit boring now, most people headed for the buffet at that point.)
And boy the food was great! We had a jokey turnip flavour to the whole thing with turnip pizzas, turnip sausages, turnip cakes, that sort of thing. We all had a toast to Bernard and three cheers to Harold and the last thing I remember was dressing up as Tarzan and Lenny was my monkey and we had a big fight with Nigel who pretended to be a crocodile.

I woke up in a hedge at four o'clock the next morning.

As for Fat Tony, me, Lenny and our mate Ginger the ninja dressed up as er..ninjas last night and sneaked up on him while he slept. We didn't need to be particularly quiet as his snoring was very loud and no other noises could be heard. We grabbed his stupid Swedish Turnip thingy and squashed it on his head (it was pretty squidgy and mouldy by then).

"Eat that you fat bogey!!" I think we shouted at him, then we run off with high fives flying all over the place and decided that was a job well done!!

Bum note

2005-08-18T23:07:00.000Z

Well here's that ransom note everyone's been speculating about. I was meant to put it on here a couple of days ago, but it blew away in the wind. Fortunately Chris sparrow found it up his tree a couple of fields away this morning.

What do you think? Is it genuine? I'm not even sure it looks like Bernard myself, it looks more like King Charles the First with that silly haircut. Unless of course Bernard's been roughed up and he's let his hair go a bit. He always looked after his curly locks that Bernard, you rarely found him far away from a bottle of shampoo and conditioner. Or pants.

I have my suspicions and I reckon a certain pigeon is having me on. Anyway £1000 is a lot of money for a turnip, or even a goat and we've got Harold now anyway, so we're not likely to cough up that sort of cash.

we're having a big meeting tomorrow in the barn to see what we can do. I'll let you know the outcome. I like meetings, we always end up having a brilliant disco after with a finger buffet.

Uh oh...

2005-08-15T23:44:00.000Z

Worrying development in the search for Bernard saga...

I think he's been kidnapped....

More news tomorrow.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of Bernard as he's fondly remembered.. scoffing a pair of old underpants.

Have you seen me???

2005-08-09T23:59:00.000Z

Well, here's a poster to help find Bernard. We've put it up all around the farm, so let's hope he turns up!
Thanks for the idea Molyan! You're a genius.

If this don't work, nothing will.