Saturday, May 28, 2005

Derek Von Doom

Here's that lovely picture sent in from Ashley, and what a grand pic it is too! There's a sketch winging it's way to you young man. Thanks a bunch!

I think I'm meant to be Dr Doom, evil nemesis of the Fantastic Four. Cool!

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Moldova to win!!

We love the Eurovision Song Contest and we normally have a bit of a barn dance ourselves to get into the spirit of things (I'm the best of course, Hot Hooves they call me).
We all watched the semi finals excitedly on BBC 3 (we're extravagently rich enough to afford satellite now we're in the Beano) and we all voted madly for Moldova and their brilliant song Boonika bate doba which means "Grandmamma beats the drum-a".
And we love Grandmamma round here too! She's the coolest drummer in the world!

The lyrics are fantastic too!
"She’s a drum machine, you know what I mean"
"Pop you up with dat beat Get rid of rotten meat"
and of course...
"Grandmamma beats the drum-a with the mallet in the big house!"
She'll be a superstar, you mark my words. And as the song finally says "By the end of that show you‘ll blow yourself to bits". Well I hope not!

The group even have an album called 450 Sheep How brilliant is that? Cecil's trying to work out how we can buy a copy.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Nobby's gone nuts

They say 'fame' is a wild and dangerous animal. There are some of us who can deal with it and go about our business as if being famous is normal, we eat our grass, discuss our latest adventures to all who'll listen, even when they start walking away, because that's what people want; and then there are others who can't cope and it all goes to their heads and they spend all their money on mars bars and diet tango and wear sunglasses signing autographs for people who have no idea who they are. Those people are called Nobby the hedgehog and all his new found fame has gone right to his little prickly head.
I'm mean flippin' 'eck, normally it's me who gets to open any new local supermarkets or appear at local fetes, but no, now everyone wants to see the stupid little hedgehog and apparently he pulls in "twice the money", which is very hard to believe.
And to cap it all, literally, Nobby's bought himself a new sparkly bowler hat, because "his fans wouldn't expect anything less".

Who needs a sparkly hat, eh? Not me! Not when you've got a lovable face like mine.


Wednesday, May 18, 2005

There ain't no "Armadillo" song here

May I just apologise to all those people who come here looking for that "Road to Armadillo" song via google. What it was right, is that a ladybird was singing it the other week and it got right on my nerves, so I put it in a pot. Then everybody told me off and said I was horrible, there was a big riot involving chickens and beetles and goats and everything and in the end I broke the pot on my mate Lenny's head (Lenny's a sheep too) by dropping it from a tree and then the ladybird flew away, but not before it punched me in the chops. Ok?

I hope that clears that one up.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Buy The Beano!

I'm rushing about this week, so I've just got time to tell you that I'm in the Beano this week!
It's a silly story with Nobby the hedgehog getting on my nerves (doesn't everybody?)
Enjoy! Sorry, must dash!!!

Monday, May 09, 2005

Would you say I'm miserable? Someone said I'm miserable today and it upset me. They said I had a face "Like a bulldog chewing a wasp". How would they know? Is that something bulldogs do often?
I wonder if Cecil's ever been chewed by a bulldog? Although he's a bee, so he'd probably get chewed by a yorkshire terrier or something. He's never mentioned it if he has, and if you're gonna get chewed by a dog, you're bound to mention it at some point.
It was Monday morning after all, so I reckon I was allowed to be miserable, everyone else seems to be! Not that I think I was. I was just eating straw and imagining what the new Star Wars film might be like and maybe I was imagining all the "dark evil" we've been promised and my face does tend to reflect my current thoughts. "Like little windows to your soul" is how Bernard the goat described my eyes once (which makes a change from "a couple of mad ping pong balls" which is the normal description from friends and family). I kicked him up the bum for saying that, mind; I didn't know what he meant and it was the only way I knew how to react. He's a bit strange that Bernard.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

True grit

Blimey it was windy today. I was eating a nice patch of grass and a big bit of grit flew in my eye. It's been there all day in fact and it's irritating my eye so much that I'm accidently going around winking at everyone.
I was talking to Bertie cow about the relegation battle this afternoon and how Norwich City look like they might just scrape it if they get a win next Saturday, when she gave me a slap!
I thought I'd upset her cause she's a West Brom fan, but it turns out she thought I was chatting her up! ME!?
I wouldn't chat her up if she was the last cow on the Earth. I'd go out with Bernard the goat before I'd go out with her! And he's got a stupid beard.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Ha ha har!! Bob Chicken's been arrested for fraud!!
That'll learn him.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Can you believe it?

That Bob! I'll get him! Spotted this in the newsagent today.
What a scoundrel!

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Told ya!

See? Didn't I say?! It turned into a nice Dalek, JUST as I predicted! And there were pingpong balls right at the end. I flippin knew it.
And you all dared scoff at my sarcastic remarks...

Ha! Phooey to the lot of ya.

It was rubbish though, wasn't it? You do all believe me now don't you? Hello?

And what about my psychic powers, frightening eh? I now predict that next week's episode will be slightly strange, with scary bits and K-9 will turn up with a big curly moustache and proclaim himself as leader of the Cybermen.

You read it here first.