Thursday, March 31, 2005

Mustachioed bug

Well we're trying to let that singing bug out, but as you may have read the lid's stuck! We've tried everything from rubbing it with butter to rolling it down a hill and nothing works. He's got little airholes which we're feeding bits of curly-wurly through and he seems happy enough. We did get an email suggesting a kingsize mars bar would be better. So we bought one, but then we ate it and it was lovely! Mmm.. I love Mars bars!
Anyway there's a bit of a crowd building of beetle protestors and little beetle news teams beaming his picture around the world. Ain't they got nothing better to do, like eat aphids or somethin'? Flippin' eck.

Anyhows, here's a new one we caught this morning. We can't quite work out if he's from Spain, Mexico or Tenerife. He won't talk neither and only sings mad songs. I had to let him go as singing ladybirds are just trouble I reckon.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Free the armadillo bug!

You've got me feeling guilty now...
Should I let out the singing bug, or leave him in the pot?
He is just a stupid insect after all, but if you think I'm being mean I'll let him go.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Flippin' Armadillos

We caught another bug today and put him STRAIGHT in the pot! We don't know if he was a ladybird, harlequin, bee, wasp, beetle or whatever, but he was just singing that flippin' Way to Armadillo song and I hate that song (everyone's singing it on the farm, even Lenny), so I put him in, no questions asked.

Now I can't get that tune out of my head! Arrgghh!

Stop singing that 'orrible song!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Got one!!!

Ha har! We got one of the little monkeys!
We caught us a harlequin and all because we're great detectives. Check out our brilliant questioning...

What is your name? The name's Pip
's a bit funny. Are you a mad foreigner? What!? Not a bit! Pip is short for Philip. Now move along goat, I'm in a dashed rush!
Flippin' GOAT! I ain't no goat! I ain't never heard of the name Pip neither. Sounds VERY foreign to me.
Who's the Queen of England? Listen goat or whatever you are, move along! I have no time for your blathering!! Chop chop!
Who's the flippin' Queen of England ya rascal!? It's Elizabeth!! Now put me down, I have a meeting at 2 o'clock and I have little time for your shenanigans!
Right you, in the pot! "Shenanigans" and "blathering" sound like stupid foreign words to me, and as we all know, Britney Spears is the Queen of England. Lenny also reckons the King of Spain was called Philip once, so that sews up that one.
Just you wait till John Craven sees you!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Ladybird survey

Farmer Jack has asked the farm to keep an eye out for weird ladybirds. Apparantly some foreign types have invaded the UK and are most unwelcome as they tend to eat our nice ladybirds that already live here and we don't want none of that.
Me and lenny checked out the ladybird survey website so we could find out exactly what these nasty creatures looked like. Unfortunately, to the untrained sheep eye, these so-called Harlequin ladybirds don't look too different from our OWN ladybird. So we got a bit worried, thinking we would collect a bagful of ladybirds and they'd be our own lovely British ones which have lived here for millions of years.
Then Cecil came along and told us we were being very stupid and it ain't so difficult! All we have to do, he reckons, is ask them. You'd be able to tell by their mad accents he said, but me and Lenny are cleverer than that (anyone can put on a British accent!) so we've come up with a detailed survey to weed out the rotters and round 'em up and put 'em in a pot.

We only found one today, but it was a good chance to try out our detective skills...

Name: Karen
Ain't that a girls name? What of it?
Are you a stupid foreign ladybird? err.. no
Who's the Prime Minister of Scotland? um...Bill someone?
No!! Ha ha har!!
What magic powers do you have? I don't have no magic powers. Although I can bend my fingers backwards, watch.
Arrggh! Don't do that!!! Flippin' eck.
Finally, who's the Queen of England? ...Britney Spears?
..Yes ok. (We're not sure about this one, but it sounded right).
Thank you, you can leave!

A great success, I'm sure you'll agree. Look out for more ladybird surveys all this week!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Fantastic new story out now!

As you probably know, my latest mad adventure is in the shops as we speak!
It's a very special issue too, as it introduces my great new friend Nobby the Hedgehog. It's another cracker in what has been a long line of collectors item stories. Everybody's happy, apart from Cecil, who seems to be feeling a bit blue (ho ho!).

Also, I don't know if it's the same for everybody, but there seems to be a bit of a printing glitch in my copy and some speech bubbles are accidently missing, so here they are in their full glory, just in case. Enjoy!

Monday, March 14, 2005

Look how handsome I am

Just had this brilliant photo sent to me from a young chap called Thomas Ware.
His mum says, "Thomas had to make a decorated egg for a competition at school and we decided to make derek the sheep!" and what a handsome egg it is too. He's even saying "flippin' eck!".

I'm so chuffed and impressed that there's a signed picture of me winging it's way to you now. In fact all drawings, photos and poems etc. will be rewarded with a signed picture of yours truly (yours will be in the post Sue Wilkes!). Considering the wonderful efforts involved, it's the least I can do.
Thanks Thomas!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Still a bit windy

I'm still suffering from them sherbert lemons. I kept trying to steer well away from people so as not to embarrass myself, but Lenny insisted on coming over all the time and asking me what's wrong. I told him it's nothing and to go away and leave me alone and then he got really offended thinking he'd upset me or something. I ended up shouting at him to go away, far away, and he shouted back about how I'm acting different these last couple of days and how everyone hates me.
He went away but came back ten minutes later and offered me a sherbert lemon. I went a bit crazy and knocked the packet out of his hoof, screaming "Get them sherbert lemons away from me! They're evil!!" and ran to the other side of the field crying.
Now the whole farm thinks I'm a loony.
I'm not a loony I just have a tremendous build up of gas.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Sweet smell of success

Does anyone know if eating sherbert lemons give you wind? 'Cos I bought a big packet today and because everyone got on my nerves, I decided to eat the whole lot myself, and you know, I haven't stopped blowing off all evening. It's really bothering me now and it's getting more difficult to hide when I'm talking to my mates.
Next time I'll stick to jelly tots.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

An Ode To Derek

I've just received a lovely poem from my fan, Sue Wilkes, who was very pleased that I posted that picture of those ducks yesterday:

Hurray for Derek!
The sheep we love most
He likes fried egg butties
And beans on toast

Lenny's his mate
His nose gets quite messy
Friend Cecil the Bee's
New hat is so dressy

Derek's pictures are full
Of crazy cows and pigs
His field's never dull
There's ducks in his digs!

His Beano stories are really great
For his diary updates we can't wait
So if Farmer Jack takes your telly
There's a spider in your welly
Or your barn's really smelly
Please Derek, don't be blue
Your fans all love you!

Thanks Sue! It's absolutely cracking. Sue says she doesn't write many poems, but she sure looks like an expert to me.
If you want to be like Sue, and have your poem or letter posted on my blog, then don't hesitate to email me. Such things should definitely be encouraged. I could even put your drawing up too if you want!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

3 ducks!

Here's them three horrible ducks from last week (as specially requested).

No photos please!

Cor what a hectic day! Now that I'm a superstar, I was invited by my local Woolworths to do a signing session and meet some of my fans. Flippin' eck it was busy with screaming admirers. Bees mainly.
As I was signing whatever was to hand (easter eggs and Hulk DVDs seemed to be the most popular), people kept asking "Where's that Sheepdog? He's really funny!", and "get your drums out, you're great."
What are they on about? I haven't got drums.
Stupid bees.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Cor blimey. I don't know about ghostly scarecrows in Bernard's shed. I had more trouble with his wheezy snoring! I don't think I slept a wink all night. I reckon he must wake himself up with his nasal mooing and frighten himself.
We did have a lovely breakfast in the morning though (beans on toast), so I'll let him off.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Duck a-flippin'-l'orange

We have a bit of an "open door" policy in our barn with animals coming and going as they please. I've always been against it, but everyone just tells me to shut up and quit my moaning.
well, I'm off to kip round Bernard the Goat's tonight as I've had enough. Three stupid ducks waddled in and sat around chewing bubblegum, laughing very loudly and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Farmer Jack's confiscated our telly, so we have to make do with reading or whatever, and I really couldn't cope with their racket.
But, I gritted my teeth, not wanting to spill the apple tart, or whatever the saying is, and just got on with reading this week's Beano (with my collector's item guest appearance).
I popped over to talk to Lenny to discuss the science behind "Star Trek", when I spotted the ducks walking out of the barn. Not only did they walk out, but they walked through my patch and one of 'em pooed on my bedding!!!!
How dare they!! So that's it, Bernard says there's plenty of room over in his shed and I'm not to believe the rumours about the ghostly scarecrow. Which is brilliant, because I'd never heard of any flippin' "ghostly scarecrow" and now I ain't so keen. It can't be any worse than sleeping in duck poo I suppose.