Miss Mystery

Well, you know, it's still a mystery to me who sent me that card...
I asked that cow if it was her and she said "HA!" so loud, I got a big face full of spit. So I'm glad it wasn't her, as she's a bit gross.
Why don't she make herself known to me? Why does she torture my soul?
I've written a love poem for my mysterious girlfriend:

Miss Mystery,
How I wonder who you are?
Are you a cow?
Or are you a pig?
Are you near or are you far?
Fair maiden how I wish I knew your face,
So we could watch Bambi on DVD round my place.
Together.
You came from nowhere and stole my heart,
Yet you leave me stranded far apart.

I know it needs a bit of work, but when she finally reveals herself I'll give it to her written on paper sprayed with Lynx "Africa". She won't know what to say then!